


New Foundations

by Slash_addict



Series: Burning Bridges [5]
Category: DCU
Genre: M/M, Warning there be OCs here!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-02
Updated: 2014-01-02
Packaged: 2018-01-07 03:26:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slash_addict/pseuds/Slash_addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick finds out about Bruce and Jay.  He's not taking it very well.  At all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Foundations

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, i'm dyslexic and i don't have a beta so there will be mistakes. If you wish to write me and point out a particular mistake thank you, but please don't write me and tell me that there are a lot of mistakes. That's not helpful, and i'm doing my best.

 

 

New Foundations

 

<“You’re getting _married_!?” > 

Jay winced, rubbing his eyes sleepily, <“And good morning to you too Clark.”> He mumbled into the receiver. 

<“ _married_?!” > 

Jay sighed and sat up. Bruce rolled over and raised an eyebrow at him but Jay just shook his head, feeling around on the side table for his glasses.  He blinked as the world sprang into sharp focus and replied, <“Yes, married.  Why? Wait, _how on earth did you even find out?_ ”>

<“I”> Clark coughed, <“well, I heard it from Lois, who read it in some tabloid.  I—I thought she must be wrong.  When on earth did _this_ happen?” > 

A wicked smile spread over Jay’s face, “The night you walked in on us actually, he asked me while we were having— 

<“Ok, ok!”> Clark replied hurriedly, <“I don’t need the details!”> Clark cleared his throat uncomfortably. <“Well, congratulations, I guess.”> 

<“You _guess_?” > Jay teased 

<“No, oh,”> Jay could _hear_ Clark roll his eyes,  <“Jay you know what I mean.  Congratulations.  How on earth did it end up in the tabloids?”> 

Jay arched an eyebrow, <“Now _that_ I don’t know.” > 

“What?”  Bruce asked his voice rusty from sleep.  Jay leaned over and kissed him, which became slightly more involved than he’d intended, when they broke apart—and Jay had gotten his breath back—he shook an admonishing finger at Bruce who smirked.   

“What don’t you know?”  Bruce prompted again, still smirking. 

“You’re not gonna like it.” He grinned at him 

Bruce snorted, “Anything that begins with a call from Kent at this god awful hour is clearly not something I’m going to enjoy.” 

“Clark says that our engagement is in the tabloids.” 

Bruce’s eyebrows shot up, “how on…” he let the sentence trail off as he got out of bed and headed toward the door.  Jay watched him go, pouting,  <“There see,”> he said into the phone, gesturing after Bruce’s retreating form, <“I hope you’re happy. You’ve just ruined my chance for morning sex.”> Clark made a sound over the phone like a duck with a cracker caught in its throat and Jay cackled.  <“Good God, Kent you make it too easy.  I’ll see what our Dark Night Detective can dig up and then I’ll let you know. Mmm?”>

* 

“You guys are really getting married?”  Conner asked, floated cross-legged next to the computer while Bruce ran a search on tabloids proposals in the last three weeks. 

Jay, who was leaning against the chair on the opposite side said, “Yup—wait go back—there.” 

Bruce skipped back to the page and peered at the article, bottom left, and shook his head, “No, that’s a continuation on my supposed engagement to Selena three months ago.” 

“But you were dating _me_ three months ago.”  Jay replied, sounding confused.

 Bruce chuckled, “Yes, but _they_ didn’t know that.” 

Jay sniffed, “And this is why I’ve never liked reporters.” 

“Because you’ve _always_ been concerned about the veracity of tabloid reporting.”  Bruce returned dryly. 

“They always made me look bad.”  Jay complained. 

“I think that was you being all insane that made you look bad.”  Conner countered 

“You,” he replied primly, “have been spending entirely too much time with M.” 

Conner grinned, “Isn’t it great?”  He frowned, “hey wait, this isn’t gonna make Tim and me brothers is it?” 

“It is ‘Tim and I,’ young master Connor,” Alfred corrected as he made his way into the cave. 

Conner made a face, “ugh.  I’m dating my brother.  We don’t live far enough south for that to be ok.”

 Jay looked thoughtful, “hmmm, no, there’s got to be a way around that.  If Bruce doesn’t adopt you then you won’t technically be brothers, and besides” Jay rolled his eyes, “it’s not likely that you’re going to run around making deformed, inbred babies.” Conner looked momentarily horrified at the thought and Jay laughed. 

Alfred glanced at the screen, “To what do we owe this sudden interested in the more seemly side of investigative reporting?” 

“Clark said that they were talking about our engagement,” Bruce replied distractedly as he scanned another page. 

There was a disharmonious clanking sound as the tray Alfred had been carrying was placed unsteadily on the consul.  “I beg your pardon sir?” 

Bruce blinked and then looked mildly chagrinned; it was such a strange look on him that it made Jay laugh.  “We’re engaged.”  Bruce replied, trying to avoid Alfred’s gaze. 

“Well,” Alfred said with frosty indignation, “I should like to think that I should have been informed of such _prior_ to the general public.” 

Bruce grunted, Jay gave him a look and then grinned at Alfred, “Honestly we hadn’t told anyone yet.  We’re not sure _how_ they found out.”                                 

“And just when did this come to pass?” 

“You mean their finding out?  We don’t know.” 

“No, when did the engagement itself take place?” 

“Oh.” Jay licked his lips and glanced at Bruce, while Conner suddenly looked very attentive. Jay cleared his throat, “The night the virus was launched actually, so about oh, three weeks ago now.” 

Conner frowned, “But you guys were home that night.” 

“Yes.”  Jay replied, looking back at the screen. 

“Lame.”  Conner said, glaring at Bruce, “You didn’t even take him out to dinner?” 

Jay glanced over, “What, exactly, makes you think _I_ didn’t ask _him_?” 

Conner looked like a dear caught in head lights, “Um, nothing?  You totally could have.”  Conner was quiet for a few moments.  “So, um didja?  You know, ask him?” 

Jay rolled his eyes, “No, he asked me.” 

“Well there you go then.”  Conner stuck his tongue out at him, “So, like I said, you’ve got more money than god and you didn’t even take him out to diner?  Lame.” 

Bruce gave Conner an icy glare causing Jay to thwap him on the back of the head.  Bruce glared up at him. “Be nice.”  Jay admonished him, “and no,” he added to Connor, “he didn’t take me out, this was,” he closed his eyes, and his hand found Bruce’s, “This was better.”  

Alfred cleared his throat, a small smile on his face, “And when are these nuptials to take place?” 

Jay exchanged a look with Bruce and shrugged, “we haven’t gotten that far.  I was thinking— 

“Got it.”  Bruce said suddenly, scrolling down the page to pin point the article and groaned. 

“What?”  Jay asked, leaning over his shoulder to scan through the article and frowned, “is that Davami as in Jarald Davani III of the Davani and company?” 

“Who’s that?”  Conner asked, confused. 

Jay grinned wickedly, “It’s a jewelry company.”  He glanced at Bruce, “You got me a ring didn’t you?” 

Bruce sighed, “Well it was going to be a surprise.” 

Jay chuckled, “the irony of it.” 

“I thought you’d appreciate it.” Bruce murmured quietly, closing down the search. 

“I’m missing something.”  Conner declared looking between the two. 

“Ah,” Jay chuckled, “It’s a jewelry store that I used to knock over quite frequently.  I think Bruce is trying to help make up what I’ve stolen over the years.  Not necessary” he added to Bruce, “it’s not like insurance didn’t cover it.” 

Bruce rolled his eyes, “That’s comforting.”

 Jay stuck his tongue out at him, “This from that man that told me it was ok to size up Andrea’s entire household.” 

“That’s different.”  Bruce defended, a smirk playing around the edged of his mouth. “I don’t like her.” 

“You two are just wrong.”  Conner declared, “And now that the crisis has been averted, I’m going to the arcade.  Wanna come?” 

Jay shook his head, “no thanks all the same.  And remember, the engagement is a secret.” 

“Yeah, yeah.  I’m telling Tim.” 

“He already knows.”  

Jay arched an eyebrow, “Oh does he now, and why is that?” 

Bruce smirked, “He and M helped me pick out the ring.” 

Conner looked scandalized, “and why didn’t I get to come?” 

“Because you are incapable of keeping a secret.” 

Conner did his best to look affronted.  Bruce ignored him.  “And now I’m going back to bed.  Coming?”  He asked, Jay. 

“I hope so.” Jay replied lasciviously. 

“Ew.” 

“Go to your arcade.”  Jay called over his shoulder as he followed Bruce back up the stairs. 

*

Later that night Jay watched as Bruce prepared to go on patrol.  They’d been together almost two years now.  He’d known about Bruce’s night life for almost as long, and Bruce…Bruce had know about him… he shook his head, glancing around at the display cases.  He’d noticed that much of the “Joker memorabilia” had gone missing.  And…and he didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.  He very rarely got up the nerve to ask if Bruce still thought of him as the Joker, if _Batman_ still thought of him as the Joker.  _He can’t_.  The old argument resurfaced in Jay’s brain. Jay spent entire _days_ without the amulet.  They’d all seen him without it; they didn’t jerk away in surprise anymore, certainly not Bruce.  Hell they made love more often than not when he wasn’t wearing it…but they also made love in the dark.  Then again he practically _glowed_ in the dark.  He scowled. 

“Jay?” 

Jay’s head came up, “Hmmm?”  He tried for nonchalant, and apparently failed. 

“Jay? What’s wrong?” 

Jay sighed, running a hand through his hair nervously, “Bruce… do you… worry about people finding out?  About me?” 

Bruce frowned, pushing the cowl back and moving to take Jay into his arms, “Jay?” 

Jay sighed again and leaned against him, “You’ve taken down the Joker cases.”  He fought to keep his voice level, “I just wondered if you were…” he trailed off; he didn’t know how to finish.  Ashamed?  Unhappy with the constant reminders? 

“Jay.”  Bruce replied, tilting his head, “Jay, no.” Jay’s eyes slid away, and he swallowed.  But Bruce brought his attention back to him with a kiss. “Jay you have to talk to me.”  He said, unhappily.  “You have to tell me when you start feeling like this.”

Jay nodded, his eyes dropping down to the floor, “Bruce, I…” he swallowed again, and looked him in the eye, “Are you upset by the reminders?”  About what I was?”  Am? 

Bruce’s eyes went wide, “No. No of course not.    I— you seemed so upset that night in the Cave, about Jason’s costume…” 

Jay nodded, relived, “Yes.  No, I understand.  I just, you took them down and I wasn’t sure why.  I thought, I thought I might have done something that” he looked away, “I am so scared sometimes that I’m going to wake up and this will have all been some drug induced hallucination from Arkham.”  His voice cracked alarming on the name; he never talked about Arkham in front of Bruce if he could help it, “And things are so good that,” he shook his head, feeling idiotic, “Never mind.  I’m sorry.  I don’t mean to keep questioning you— 

“Jay, stop.”  Bruce insisted, “Don’t apologize.  I need you to tell me when you’re upset.”  He gave him a small smile, “You know the rules.  We have to talk to one another.” 

“It _never_ bothers you?”  Jay pressed. It was like poking at a sore tooth, he just couldn’t stop himself, despite what pain it might ultimately bring, “There are _never_ times with you think to yourself, ‘oh my god I’m dating the man that _killed_ Jason Todd?  That _crippled_ Barbara Gordon’” He demanded brutally.  God, what was he doing?  He never brought up things like this!  _Stop_ , he yelled at himself, _stop goddamn it._    

“No.”  Bruce replied so promptly that it shut Jay up more firmly than the mental anguish in his head.  “Because you really aren’t the same man, Jay.  No,” He held up a hand to forestall Jay’s protest, “You’re sane now Jay, that makes all the difference in the world.” 

Jay nodded reluctantly, “I guess.” He sighed, “I guess I’m just nervous about the wedding, and more of the Capes finding out.” 

“And meeting Barbara?” 

Jay winced, “That too.” 

“I’m not saying it’ll be easy.”  Bruce answered, tugging the cowl back up, “But we’ll get through it.” 

Jay chuckled, “Ever the optimist.  Who knew?” 

Bruce smirked at him as he hopped into the car and revved the engine.  “I’ll see you in the morning.” 

***

The next morning Jay, dressed in plaid pajama bottoms and no amulet, was flipping pancakes when Alfred came into the kitchen.  “Master Jay?” 

Jay glanced over his shoulder and grinned, “Yeah?” 

Alfred returned the smile.  “I just wished to inform you that I will be going to the market this morning, and should be out for the better part of the day.” 

Jay gave him a lopsided smile, “K, I’ll let Bruce know.” 

“Thank you.  And Master Jay?” 

“Hmm?”

 “I just wanted to say…thank you.

 Jay cocked his head, “For what?” 

“For saving him.” 

Jay blinked, he stared at Alfred for so long that he burnt the batch of pancakes he was working on.  “Damn,” he commented, as he flipped them over, “Uh, come again?” 

Alfred hesitated uncharacteristically for a moment and then said, “Master Bruce was headed for,” Alfred sighed, it was one of the few times that Jay had ever seen the man at a loss for words, “He was retreating into himself, pushing us away.  He’s been doing it for years, but it had become so much worse of late that I feared to loose him entirely.  You have brought him back from that.  And I cannot thank you enough.” 

Jay smiled, “You could say that we saved each other.”  

“Quite.”  Alfred’s manner became brisk again, “I shall see you upon my return.  Do try not to destroy the Manor in my absence.” 

“Ah, no promises there Allfie.” 

Alfred sniffed, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips as he picked up his umbrella and headed for the door.  Jay returned to his pancakes, humming to himself.  He was surprised when he heard the door open again. “You forget something?”  He called over his shoulder. 

“ _What the hell_!!” 

Jay spun to find a gun pointing at his face, he looked down the barrel to the tall man holding it and his heart sank; Dick Grayson, still in his Gothem police uniform.  They’d met once or twice.  Since the destruction of Bloodhaven he’d been back in Gothem but he’d been living elsewhere.  

“ _What the fuck are you doing here_?!”  Dick demanded roughly. 

“Ah,” Jay licked his lips, his hands, one still gripping the spatula, held up in surrender, “Ok, I know this looks bad,” he tried to explain. 

“ _What have you done with Bruce_?!”  Dick challenged coldly. 

“I—nothing he’s down in the Cave.”  Jay answered his gazed focused on the gun.   He swallowed.  _Jesus_ , he though, _he’s going to shoot me._ Jay had been around guns for the better part of his life, and granted most of the time _he’d_ been the one holding it, but he couldn’t remember ever being quite this aware of his own mortality.  With the shield of insanity gone, Jay found himself less than sanguine in the face of possible death; he nearly laughed at the irony but choked it down.  If he started cackling Grayson was sure to shoot him.   

 Dick’s eyes narrowed, “What do you mean the ‘cave’.” 

Jay realized his mistake, “Ok, Dick, please you don’t understand.  It’s—I’m—,” he swallowed hard as Dick shouted 

“Shut up!  _Tell me where is he_?!”  

“Well I can’t do both,” he snapped, irritated, “He’s down stairs.” He took a deep breath and tried to modulate his tone, “I swear, just call him, the intercom is right there.”  He moved to point his finger, Dick cocked the gun and Jay froze. 

“Don’t. Move.”

 “Right.” He said tightly, “Not moving.  Just, call him.”  

Dick edged to the intercom, not taking his eyes off of Jay.  “I swear,” He threatened, “If you done _anything_ to him…” He pressed the intercom button, “Bruce?” 

“Dick?”  

Jay took a deep breath and leaned heavily against the counter.  “Ah Bruce do you think you could come up here for a moment?”  He asked querulously. 

“Jay!?”  Bruce shouted, “Jay what’s wrong.”  

Dick, who still hadn’t looked away from Jay, went pale.  “ _Jay?_ ” 

Bruce appeared in the kitchen doorway not half a minute later.  He must have run the entire distance.  He took in the scene, Dick with his gun trained on Jay, Jay looking like he might be sick, leaning against the counter, pancakes burning behind him.  Bruce lunged toward Jay placing himself between Jay and the gun. He barked at Dick, “Get that thing out of our house!” 

Dick holstered the gun, his eyes narrowing, “Just what the hell is going on here!”  He demanded angrily, “Is that really Jay?” 

“Yes.” 

“ _JAY IS THE JOKER_?”  Dick screamed. 

Jay was shaking, despite his best efforts, “I,” he swallowed and tried again, “I should go.” he looked at the expression on Dick’s face and winced, “I should go.”  He nearly ran out of the kitchen.  Bruce watched him go his heart in turmoil but Dick wasn’t through with him. 

“Bruce, _just what the fuck is going on here_!?  Do you really mean to tell me that you’ve been dating _the Joker_ for the last two years?!  _What the fuck is wrong with you_?  That man _killed_ Jason, he _crippled_ Babs!  Just how _sick_ are you?” 

“Dick,” Bruce growled warningly. 

“No!  No this time you’ve gone to far!  What is this fucked up kick you get out of sleeping with the enemy Bruce?  This is sick!  That man is a _mass murder_.  He’s killed how many people and you’re here playing _house_ with him?” 

“Enough!”  Bruce roared and Dick took an involuntary step back. “He is _not_ the Joker anymore and hasn’t been for years!”  Bruce yelled at him, “He was cleared to leave Arkham two years ago and hasn’t hurt a soul since.”

 “ _So that makes it ok?_ ”  Dick yelled back.  “He’s playing nice now so you’ll just forgive and forget and fuck him?” 

Bruce’s voice dropped to a dangerous whisper, “Get out of my house.” 

Dick glared at him, “You are a sick son of a bitch.”  He turned on his heel and strode toward the door.  He stopped at the threshold and turned back to face him, “You _know_ this is wrong Bruce.  I know you do.  You’ve been hiding him for _two years_ , if you really believed that crap you were just spewing you would have told us all from day one.  God,” he added before Bruce could respond, “Can you imagine how Babs will feel when she finds out?” He left. 

* 

Bruce found Jay on their bed with his head in his hands. The amulet lay at his feet. He glanced up when Bruce came in his eyes haunted, “I’m sorry.”  He whispered, “I’m so sorry.” 

Bruce’s heart broke and he took Jay in his arms.  “I’m so sorry.”  He repeated brokenly, “Please, don’t make me leave.  Please, Bruce.  _Please_.  I’m so _sorry_.” 

“Jay.”  Bruce answered his throat tight, “Jay please, I will _never_ make you leave.” He stroked his hand over Jay’s back, “Shh,” he soothed, “Its ok.” 

“No, no it’s not.”  Jay was shaking, “I’ve ruined it.”  He closed his eyes, fighting back tears, “He’ll tell the others. It’s only a matter of time.  God they’ll” his voice broke, and he took a deep breath trying to steady it, “they’ll t-tell you I’m trying to kill you, that, that it’s a trick.”  He looked up at him, his eyes pleading, “this is not a trick.  Please, God, believe me, I swear—  

“I know.”  Bruce answered his voice soft and sure, “Jay I think there’s something you need to understand about me.  I don’t care what the other’s think.  Not Dick, not the other Capes.  None of them.”  He said simply.  “I love you, I’m never letting you go, and much less will I ever ask you to leave.” 

Jay slumped against him, “But what happens when he tells the others?” he asked thickly. 

Bruce shrugged, “I don’t honestly think he’ll tell many.  Barbara,” Jay winced, “and he’ll probably go to Tim and to Clark, but then they already know.”  He kissed Jay on the temple.  “I promise you, this is not as bad as it seems, and even if it is, we will be ok.  You’ll see.”  He tilted Jay’s chin up again, “Jay, I am not ashamed of you. I’ve haven’t been this happy since I was eight years old.  You did that.” 

“How can you love me?”  It slipped out unintentionally but Jay didn’t try to take it back.  How in the world could Bruce love him?  He looked down at his bleached white skin and a single tear tracked down his cheek. 

“Because you are good, and kind and,” Bruce swallowed, “Because you loved me first.  And nobody’s ever done that.  And no matter what happens, I will always love you.” 

* * *

Dick roared down the street on this motorcycle, his brain on fire.  Bruce had betrayed them: Babs, Jason, _him_.  Dick took a turn so sharply that he nearly overbalanced, having to correct the bike violently.  A car horn blared at him as he veered momentarily into the wrong lane.  His heart thudding in his ears, he let the bike drop back to a more manageable seed.  Getting himself killed wouldn’t make up for Bruce’s transgressions. 

When he finally took in his surroundings he realized that he’d drive to the clock tower.  Babs didn’t deserve to have this dumped on her, but he had to tell someone and Tim was back at the manner, which, he felt his stomach clench, which meant he probably already knew.  Dick felt nauseous.  

“Hey short pants.”  Barbara called through the intercom, “What’s the occasion?” 

“I need to talk to you.”  Dick rasped. 

“Dick?”  Barbara asked sharply. 

“Just send the elevator Babs.” 

After a moment a buzzer sounded and the numbers above the elevator started to tick downward.  Dick wondered what he was going to say.  How he could possibly tell her that the man who had crippled her was now fucking his father figure.  Their mentor.  He shuddered. 

When the elevator let him out on the top floor Barbara was waiting for him.  He still hadn’t figured out what he was going to say so for the moment he let Barbara do the talking.

 “Are you ok?” She demanded her voice tight with worry. 

“No.”  He said wearily, “not really.  Can I come in?” 

She nodded and wheeled back toward her apartment door, once they were inside she asked, “Do you want something to drink?” 

“Scotch.  Neat.” 

Barbara paled.  “Dick you’re scaring me.  Out with it.” 

“Jay is the Joker.”  He blurted, a renewed senesce of violation enveloping him. 

Barbara regarded him for a long moment, her face expressionless finally she said.  “I know.”

 Dick felt liked he’d been sucker punched, “So what?” he demanded angrily, “I’m the last to know?  He told everybody but me?  _You_ — 

A ringing slap cut him off as pain exploded in his cheek, “Don’t you _dare_ finish that sentence.”  Barbara said ominously, “No one told me.  I figured it out on my own.” 

“What?  _How_?”  Dick challenged, hurt and bewildered. 

Barbara sighed and sat back in her chair, “It’s a long story.  Do you still want that drink?” 

* * *

Bruce and Jay lay in bed together, lost in their own thoughts.  Jay, for his part, was so emotionally exhausted that he was rather numb.  _What a time for M to pick to go on vacation,_ he sighed.  But then she certainty deserved one, and she shouldn’t be expected be here twenty-four-seven to nurse maid him.  He was a big boy now; he was just going to have to deal with this on his own. 

“Do you remember,” Bruce’s voice broke him out of his reverie, “That case, oh, ten years back?  You had kidnapped Gordon and had set up a giant teddy bear bomb in Times Square?” 

Jay was too tired to get upset, but he did raise an eyebrow at the choice of conversational topic.  When Bruce didn’t say anything he squinted in concentration.  “Yeah,” he said after a moment, “Yeah I remember that one.  Why?” 

“I’ve always wanted to ask, where on earth did you get that teddy bear?  It must have been a story and a half high.   For that matter where did you get _all_ of it?  The exploding yo-yos, the marbles, the acid, who in the world was supplying you?” 

Jay chuckled quietly, “Ever the detective.”  He thought for a moment and then nodded, “yeah, that’s right, I got the teddy bear from FAO Schwartz.” 

Bruce turned his head to look at him, “Seriously?” 

“Mm, I even had to pay for it.”  Jay grinned, “I had it shipped here.  Shoulda seen the look on the delivery guy’s face when I sighed for the thing.”  He cackled quietly. 

Bruce laughed. “But a giant teddy bear?  Why?” 

Jay gave him a look.  “ _Why_?  Well at the time ‘cause I thought it was funny. But really, ‘why’ is very strange question to ask a former mad man.” 

Bruce chuckled, “I suppose so.” he stroked a hand down Jay’s side, and Jay arched into the touch happily. “And the rest of it?” 

“Oh I made most of it.”  At the surprised look on Bruce’s face Jay added, “What? Don’t look so surprised, I’m making you a fortune in chemical wonders at the moment, you think this is a new talent?” 

“I guess I just never really thought of it that way.  I always assumed that Miriam had— 

“Wait, wait, _wait_.  You thought _M_ made me smart?”  Jay didn’t know whether to be indignant or laugh. 

Bruce looked sheepish.  He shrugged apologetically, “Um… 

Jay whacked him on the stomach, which hurt his own hand far more than it did Bruce, “I’ll have you know that while we forged the degrees, I still took most of the tests.” Bruce looked impressed.  “Yeah, that’s right.  Questioning my intelligence,” he harrumphed, “and here I thought you were supposed to be the World’s Greatest— 

Bruce cut him off with a kiss which turned into a brief tickle attack.  Jay fought back, if ineffectually since Bruce could _decide_ if he wanted to be ticklish or not, _stupid ninja mind training_ ; Bruce finally relented when Jay started to turn blue.  “I” Jay wheezed, “Hate you.” 

Bruce grinned, “That’s not what you said last night.” 

“You had the unfair advantage of your dick up my ass.  I assure you I hate you very much.”  Bruce just grinned wider and Jay gave the lie to his words when he sighed happily as Bruce’s hand stroked over his stomach. 

“So,” Jay asked after a moment, “Why the sudden curiosity?” 

Bruce was quiet for a moment, still stroking finally he said, “We don’t ever talk about it.” 

Jay blinked, “I shouldn’t think it would be something you’d _want_ to talk about.” 

Bruce glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, “I noticed you said ‘you’ not ‘we’.  Do _you_ want to talk about it?” 

Jay made a face, “Not especially.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I really don’t want to remind you.” Jay grumbled. 

“Because you think I’ll suddenly change my mind?  Jay,” he admonished gently, “I thought we’d gotten past that?” 

“Yes, true, but it still doesn’t make me want to say, ‘Hey remember that one time I tried to blow up the city?’” 

“You’d have to be more specific.” 

Jay punched him in the arm, “Ow.  Jackass.” 

“Well stop hitting me.  Or take me up on the offer to train.” 

“Nu-uh I’ve seen what you do to the bat kids, there’s no way you’re gettin’ me down there.  You’d kill me with one punch.” 

“Actually I was always amazed at how well you could take a punch.” 

“Yeah, well, I plead insanity your honor,” Jay sighed, “Now that I’m all sane and stuff, I’m not keen to try again.” 

Bruce was silent for a moment, “you still call Clark Supey, but you don’t call me Batsy anymore, is that on purpose?” 

Jay tensed slightly, “Honestly Bruce, what’s will all the questions?” 

“Dick said something…I’m not deluding myself Jay, I _know_ you used to be the Joker, but I think, sometimes,” he shook his head, “I don’t know, I feel like if it didn’t really matter we should be able to talk about it.” 

“And I ask again, do you really _want_ to talk about it?” 

Bruce shrugged, “Maybe?” 

Jay sighed again. “Yes, I don’t call you Batsey any more, and yes it is a conscious decision, but honestly that’s…I hurt you…back when I called you that.  And that _I_ don’t want to remember.  But talking about,” he waved his hand in the air, “the other stuff, the old heists and stuff, no that doesn’t bother me.”  He smiled fondly, “Actually I was generally having a pretty good time.” 

“I noticed.”  Bruce said dryly. 

“Yeah.  I thought you might have.”  Jay chuckled.  “So, what did bird boy have to say?” Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”  Jay asked, “Weren’t you _just_ complaining that I was holding back.  And I never liked that one.” 

“You didn’t.” 

“Nah, he was annoying, too many puns.  And you’re stalling.” 

Bruce sighed, “He said that I knew we were wrong because I was hiding you.” 

Jay tensed.  After a long moment he asked, “And what do you think?” 

“I think he’s angry.  But it did make me think that maybe we were hiding from each other.  We have a fifteen year long history together yet we act as if we’ve only know each other for two years.” 

“Well we _have_ only known each other for two years.  I mean, I never really knew you before, did I?” 

“You knew Batman and he’s just another side of my personality, so yes we knew each other pretty well Jay.  Well enough to anticipate each other nine times out of ten.” 

“So, let me understand this, you want to talk about all the times I tied you up and tried to kill you and great many other people?” 

“I want us to be comfortable with that part of our relationship.” 

Jay sighed, rubbing his forehead. “You do like a challenge don’t you?” 

Bruce planted a kiss on top of his head, “I want us to be comfortable together.  With everything.” 

Jay gave a half shrug, “Ok.  Sure.  Why not.” 

Bruce smiled, “Good.  So ready to go on patrol with me?” 

“Am I _what_?”  Jay squawked

 “I have a stake out tonight in Waterheights, which we both know you know better than I do, I’d appreciate the company.” 

Jay frowned, “Bruce I appreciate the invite, really, but I’m just not up for the costumed vigilante stuff.” 

Bruce waved a hand, “I’m not going as Batman, I’m going as Matches.  There will be no jumping off roof tops of any kind, I promise.” 

Jay paused for a moment, “Matches,” he said slowly, turning to look at Bruce, a look of horrified awe on his face, “As in _Matches Malone_?”  He asked incredulously.  Bruce grinned in answer.  “ _You’re_ Matches Malone?!”

 “Yes.  Coming?”

 In spite of himself Jay found himself following Bruce down to the Cave.  “This is _unbelievable_ ,” he was saying as Bruce pulled the Grandfather clock away from the wall.  “Matches is one of the best known thugs in Gothem!”

 “Thank you.”  Bruce said a hint of pride in his voice. 

Jay shook his head, smothering a laugh, “You’re incorrigible!  All this time…wait, _Jesus_ , didn’t you buy _Joker Venom_ off of me?” 

“Yes.  I tried to get it off the street however I could.” 

Jay stared. “Amazing.”  He muttered finally. 

“So you’re coming?”  Bruce asked, still grinning. 

“What?  Oh, I guess.  I can sit in a tavern a swill bad beer with the best of’em, but” he gestured toward himself, “even with the amulet I’m pretty recognizable thanks to our friends the tabloids.” 

Bruce waved it away, “Not a problem.”   He took out a _very_ impressive make up kit. 

A half an hour later Jay didn’t recognize himself.  “Damn.”  He said approvingly, turning this way and that as he looking into the mirror.  “all right I’m sold, let go catch the baddies.” 

Bruce grinned, “Sounds good to me.”

*

“So,” Jay asked, “Just what are we looking for here?” 

Bruce, or rather Matches, glanced over from behind the wheel of the car, “Shipment headed to Dagget, supposed ta be comin’ inta town next coupla nights, drug cocktail, I need the drop site location.” 

“Ah.”  Jay shook his head, “You know this whole personality swap is really very unnerving.”  Matches flashed him a grin and Jay laughed. “God,” he said shaking his head, “we don’t stand a chance.” 

Matches raised an eyebrow, “‘We’ who?” 

“We the criminal element we, you’re just too damn good.” 

In spite of himself Bruce looked pleased, “Thank you.”  He replied in his normal voice, “That actually means a lot to me.” 

Jay gave him a wry smile, “You’re welcome.  Remind me some time to tell you some of the legends we have about you.” 

“I know most of them, I started half of them.”  Matches smirked. 

Jay rolled his eyes, “Like I said we never had a chance.” 

They strolled into the water front bar, The Pig’s Hatchet, at a quarter past two in the morning.   Matches forced his way to the bar while Jay grabbed them a table, Matches returned a moment later with two lukewarm beers and slouched into a chair opposite Jay, his eyes flicking swiftly around the room.  Jay made a face after taking a drink, “Now I remember why I never come here.” 

Matches threw him a grin, “vile ain’t it?” 

“Mmm, I’ve had worse, the piss that Maloy serves down on Gribson makes this seem positively bland.” 

Matches forehead wrinkled in confusion, “Gribson? Dere ain’t a bar on Gribson.” 

Jay grinned wickedly, his eyes dancing.   He leaned in closer to Matches and murmured, “There is, you just have to know the right people to get in.” 

“Oh really,” Matches returned dryly, with more than a hint of Bruce Wayne playboy in the tone, “And I supposed _you_ know the right people?” 

“Honey,” Jay purred, “Once upon a time _I_ _was_ the right people.” 

Bruce’s reply was interrupted as the door to the bar crashed open and four massively large men exploded into the room.  “Wilson!”  One of them shouted, “Get me a fuckin’ beer wouldja, I jus worked the last sixteen hours strait and if’n I don’t get me some alcohol soon I’m gonna kill somebody.” 

“Keep your britches on Charley,” A Scottish brogue from behind the bar answered, “Get a table and I’ll bring you and the lads something.” 

“The Joker’s Ghost take Rollin Dagget!”  Jay choked on his beer, “I hate that damn man!  Sixteen hours!”  Charley roared as he collapsed down into a chair, the other men with him doing likewise, “Sixteen fucking hours working ta of load all that shite and what does he fucking do?  He fucking turns around and says, “The real work starts tomorrow.  Well fuck him!” 

“Charley we need the money.”  One of the other men with him said tiredly, “I’ve got ta pay my rent on time this month or me and Marlene are out on the street.” 

“You’d be better off on the street than taking money from the likes of Rollin Dagget.”  Wilson chided them as he set down four bottles of beer, “Man’s dangerous.  And you ought not be talkin’ like that Charley, you’ll end up swimming in the river for sure one of these days.” 

“Bah,” Charley waved it away, “Can’t be much worse that what I’m dealing with right now.  We have to be back there tomorrow at midnight.  Midnight!” 

There was a snicker somewhere in the bar, “Like Dagget does business in the daylight.” 

“You think he would what with the Bat running around.” 

Charley’s head came up, “There ain’t no Batman.”  He sneered, “I been in this town three whole months and I ain’t never seen no Batman.  It’s a damn fairy tale the cops feed you ta keep you scared.” 

The room erupted in rough laughter. “Ain’t no Batman he says.”  A man at the bar barked. “You see this?”  He jabbed his finger at a scar that ran the length of his face, bisecting one of his eyebrows, “The Bat put this here.  And over there,” he man jerked his chin toward another man, “Joey ended up with three broken ribs and a fractured scull from his coupla rounds with the Bat.  Matches, what happened the last time you went to to toe with Batman, eh?” 

A nasty grin spread across Matches’ face, “You mean before or after I tried ta gut the sunnuvabitch?” 

Another round of laugher went through the room, once it finally settled down the man at the bar said ominously, “There’s a Batman boy and if you don’t believe it you just wait until you’ve worked a coupla more shipments at Dragoue, you’ll find out first hand.” 

“The Bat ain’t ever hit Dragoue.”  Another voice protested. 

“Only a matter of time.” The man answered caustically, “He’ll find it yet.” 

“Buncha cowards the lot of you!”  Charley challenged, “Some twit in tights don’t scare me.” 

In spite of himself and much to his chagrin Jay laughed.  Charley rounded on him, “You think something’s funny string bean?” 

Jay’s eyes narrowed and he gave the man a look that made him shift uncomfortably in his chair, Jay snorted and turned back toward his beer, privately pleased that he hadn’t lost his touch.  Conversationally he replied, “Are you working Dragoue tomorrow night Charley?” 

“What’s it to you?”  He demanded 

Jay gave him a smile that had the man squirming again, “Are you?” 

“Yeah?  What of it?” 

“Just curious.” He replied, his tone deceptively mild, “Nick’s right.”  Jay said, indicating the man at the bar who’d started the conversation, “Bats hasn’t found Dragoue yet, but you work much father a field and then you and Henderson over there can compare scars.” 

Charley snarled wordlessly but before he could respond Nick, eyeing Jay askance, asked “I know you?” 

“Name’s Trent.”  Jay lied easily, “I’m a fixer, worked for Penguin and the Joker once upon a time.” 

“Sorry to hear that.”  Nick said sounding sincere, “You lookin’ for work then?” 

“Might be interested, whatcha got?” 

“Nothin’ right now, works be slow since Arkham dried up, but there’s always use for a good fixer.”  

Jay nodded toward Matches, “He knows how to find me.” 

Nick grinned, “since when did you need a fixer Matches?  Having a hard time getting gasoline these days?” 

Matches snorted, “Trent’s been helping me find work outside a Gothem.” 

Nick’s eyebrows went up, “That a fact.  You got any you can spare?” 

Jay looked at him speculatively, “Depends.  You still in the drug trade or you move onto something else?” 

Nick looked surprised, “You know your stuff I’ll give you that.  Nah, don’t run drugs so much any more, Dagget’s gotten mean since so much of the competition’s gone bust.  Work mostly in organization, time tables, things like that. 

Jay nodded “I’ll see what I can find and let you know.”  He turned to Matches, “You ready to go?” 

Matches nodded.  As they made their way toward the door Charley got in their way.  “Leaving so soon?”  He sneered. 

“Yer gonna wanna back up.”  Matches growled. 

“You listen to him boy.”  Nick said, “Matches only asks nice once.” 

Charley stuck his chin out, “I ain’t afraid of you.” 

Matches grinned wolfishly, “No?  Well we can’t have that can we?” 

Jay made a show of looking bored while Matches pummeled Charley into a twitching, insensate mass on the floor.  After which Jay and Matches stepped over him and headed out the door. 

*

 “Why the hell didn’t I bring you along before?”  Bruce asked, dropping all pretense of Matches’ persona once they were in the car. 

Jay laughed, exhilarated, that had been the most fun he’d had in _ages._ “Oh, I’m sure it was something to do with one of our many issues.”  He sighed happily, “God that was fun.  You’ll have to bring me along more often.” 

Bruce snorted, “I think that can be arranged, ‘Trent.’  Was there anybody in there that you _didn’t_ know?” 

Jay laughed again, it felt fantastic. “The newer faces, obviously, I’ve been out of the game for a couple of years that’s a long time in the underworld, but the old hands, yeah, I knew them all.  Most of them have worked for me at some point or another.  Haven’t met Charley before, but apparently he’s heard of me.” 

“Joker’s ghost.”  Bruce nodded, “the patron saint of the criminal underworld.” 

Jay shook his head, grinning from ear to ear, “It’s nice in a way, everyone wants to be remembered.” 

“Jay I don’t think there was ever a chance that you wouldn’t be remembered.” 

“Do people think I’m dead?”  Jay asked, curiously.  They had announced his release from Arkham publicly; it had been a bit of a dog and pony show actually: see the Joker sane and answering questions!!  He’d had to be on his best behavior, but it had gone tolerably well.  He’d disappeared pretty thoroughly after, thanks to Miriam. 

Bruce nodded, “That’s the general assumption, Gordan’s asked me a time or two if I know what’s happened to you, I more or less insinuated that you were out of the picture permanently and let him take it how he would.”

“Was this before or after we started dating?” 

“It was only after I knew the truth, before that I’d had as much trouble as everyone else figuring out what had happened to you.  I questioned Miriam and she assured me that you were alive and well and attending session but refused to offer up more than that.  When I pressed,” he smiled at the memory,” she more or less told me that until such time as you committed a crime, where you were and what you were doing was no affair of mine.” 

Jay laughed at the image, “She can be very protective.” 

“She is that.”  Bruce agreed, “So, I don’t suppose you know what Dragoue is?”  

Jay could just detect the hint of triumph in Bruce’s voice and grinned.

 “Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do. You know you could have asked before.” 

Bruce shook his head as he swung the car out into traffic. “I’ve heard so little about it that it’s not something I think of off the top of my head.  I’ve only heard the name once or twice before and I hadn’t been able to find anything on it.” 

“You wouldn’t, it’s an underground port that only a few people have access to.” 

“Let me guess, you were one of them.”  Jay just grinned.  Bruce eyed him, a smile playing on the corners of his lips, “There anything else that you think worth mentioning?” 

Jay paused for a moment, thinking.  “Noooo, not of the top of _my_ head anyway, but let me think about it.” 

Bruce grinned ruthlessly, “I think Christmas just came early.” 

* * *

“Morning.”  Jay called to Tira 

She smiled, “Morning Jay, or should I say afternoon,” she waggled a finger at him; “You’re late.” 

“I left you a message that I would be.”  Jay defended himself, “I had a late night last night.” 

Tira gave him a lecherous grin, “Working late with the boss?”  Jay rolled his eyes and Tira pouted, “Fine don’t tell me.  Anyway, you’ve got someone here to see you.” 

Jay paused frowning, “I don’t remember having a meeting scheduled.” 

“You didn’t, he just showed up,” she gestured toward the waiting area outside is office.  

“Who is he?  Did he say what he wanted?” 

“Said his name was Richard and that he wanted to talk to you.  I told him that he needed to make an appointment but he said he’d wait.”  She shrugged. “You want me to get rid of him?” 

Jay waved it way, “Nah, I don’t really have anything pressing.” 

Jay wandered over toward the waiting area and stopped cold.  _Fuck_ he thought, his stomach contorting into knots. He rubbed the bridge of his nose under his glasses and sighed.   Taking a deep breath he walked over to his office door. 

“Good afternoon Mr. Grayson,” he greeted the pensive man seated outside his office as he unlocked the door.  Door open he turned, “Did you want to come in?” 

Grayson got up without a word and stalked into the room. 

“I thought you might.”  Jay muttered sourly. 

Jay entered in after him, closing the door behind them both.  He moved behind his desk, wanting as much distant between them as possible.  The solid oak of the massive piece of furniture didn’t hurt either.  Not that, if push came to shove, Grayson couldn’t pound him into the ground desk or no.  He was a Bat after all, but the illusion of safety was reassuring nonetheless.  Grayson was watching him, eyes hard, no doubt looking for some tell tale sign of madness or incipient homicidal urges.  Jay suppressed an urge to cackle just to see what Grayson would do and sighed again. “You know,” he said conversationally, “if you keep staring like that your face will get stuck that way.” 

Grayson’s eyes narrowed even further, “I could expose you.”  He said bluntly. 

Jay raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, expose me as what, exactly?” 

“The Joker.” 

Jay rolled his eyes, “And I should care why?” 

Grayson frowned angrily, “Don’t play games with me Clown.  You know exactly what I mean.” 

“Actually I don’t.”  Jay’s tone took on an edge, “I was _legally_ released from Arkham, I’m not on the lamb.  My name change was _legally_ , if _very_ convolutedly filed.  My employer has been made aware of my background.  I have not broken _a single law_ since my release.” 

Grayson glowered but didn’t say anything.  Jay guessed that he didn’t know what to say.  “Mr. Grayson.”  He began, “I’m sorry.” Grayson’s head shot up, his mouth twisting into a sneer but Jay went on before he could comment.  “We should have told you.  We should have told both you and Ms. Gordon, but, well,” he shrugged helplessly, “We weren’t sure that it wouldn’t just make things bad all the way around.  Granted, your finding out this way hasn’t made things much better.”  Jay sagged into his chair looking tired. 

Expression warred on Grayson’s face; anger, betrayal and frustration fighting for dominance.  Finally he ground out, his tone furious, “You don’t get to have a happily ever after.  You _killed_ people. You murdered hundreds if not _thousands_ of people for your own sick and twisted amusement.  You don’t get to just, _just pretend it didn’t happen_.” 

Jay looked shocked, “Who in God’s name said I’m pretending it didn’t happen?  I have to live with what was done to me and what I did for the rest of my life.  I was not a good person.  I was a horrible person.  I was a monster.  And now I’m not.  Now I’m trying to make up for what I’ve done, which, I understand, I can never do, but at least now I get the chance to _try_.” 

“Fine.  But do it without Bruce.” 

Jay didn’t even hesitate.  “No.”  

“Do you have any idea how _sick_ it is that you’re with him?” 

Jay stood up, placed his knuckles on the desk and leaned toward Grayson, “I will not leave him.” He said firmly, his voice low and angry, “I will _never_ leave him.  I love him and I’m staying.” 

Grayson made a face, “God this is just so sick.” 

“Yes.”  Jay remarked his face twisted in an unkind smile, “So you’ve said.  And if you’ve nothing else to say, I think it’s time you left.” 

Grayson’s face hardened, “Past time.” he spat. 

* * *

Jay tugged at his tie as he made his way wearily to his study.  Once upon a time it had been one of the many rarely used rooms of Wayne Manor before he’d confiscated it for his own.  He retreated there now, collapsing into an overstuffed leather chair and sighed tiredly.  He rubbed at his face got up and poured himself a double shot of whiskey and then sat back down.  He’d been worthless after Grayson left.  Oh, he’d put on a good show while Grayson was there, but he was tied up in knots just thinking about it.  If Grayson went through with it, if he followed through on his threat to expose him, then it was going to cause an untold number of problems.  Jay dropped his head back on the chair and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the cascading variations of what might happen, each more horrifying than the next.  He should call M, he thought morosely, rubbing his aching forehead, there was only so much that a man could take, for fuck sake. 

“Master Jay?”  Alfred called quietly, tapping on the study door before entering with a tea tray.  

Jay raised his head and blinked fuzzily at Alfred, wondering absently just when he’d taken his glasses off.  “Hey Alfred.  How’s things?”  He asked wearily. 

“Master Jay?  What’s wrong?” 

“Oh,” he sighed, “I,” he paused, “Did Bruce mention that Grayson came by yesterday?” 

Alfred’s lips thinned as he set the tray down on the desk. “He did.”  He picked up the decanter that Jay had brought with him to the chair and moved it back to the sidebar after placing a coaster under Jay’s glass. 

“Well” Jay dropped his head back onto the chair and stared up at the vaulted ceiling, “he put in an appearance at work today…it… caught me a bit by surprise.” 

“Have you told Master Bruce?”  Alfred asked, his tone concerned.     

“Not yet, no.”  Jay lifted his head, the panic and fear twisting in his gut reflected in his eyes “Al he said that he’d expose me if I didn’t leave Bruce.” 

Alfred’s expression hardened, “Now you listen to me Master Jay.  No one is going to blackmail you into leaving this family.   Master Dick is, understandably, upset but I assure you that he will not do anything so foolish, you have my word.” 

Jay smiled, feeling unexpectedly comforted, after all Bruce may be the Batman, but Alfred was _Alfred_ , Grayson didn’t stand a chance.  “Thank you.”  He replied quietly. 

“You’re quite welcome.”  Alfred answered warmly. “Now, that’s enough moping for one day Master Jay, its past time you had some dinner.” 

Jay laughed, “All right, but only if you let me help make it.” 

Alfred’s smile was warm as he replied, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

* * *

Tim debated what he ought to do.  Dick had landed on the rooftop two and a half minutes ago but hadn’t spoken a word.  He’d heard from Bruce about the Incident in the Kitchen and knew that Dick was undoubtedly pissed and here to demand answers about why Tim hadn’t said anything.  About why Tim had gone along with the subterfuge rather than calling Jay out.  He didn’t have any answers that Dick was going to like.  Therefore _he_ wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation.  When it came to patients only Bruce could out last him, and even then it was a close run thing.  

“How could you do it?”  Dick demanded finally, his voice rough. 

Tim didn’t take his attention from the warehouse he was watching.  “You’ll have to be more specific than that.” 

Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder and he rolled with the throw, coming up to his feet easily.  The movement had only been to get his attention, but it still rankled that Dick thought he could manhandle Tim just because he was angry.  “Don’t be flippant!”  Dick shouted, “How could you let him do this?  How could you go along with it?” 

Tim’s eyes narrowed, “First of all, I didn’t ‘let’ him do anything.  Bruce is a big boy, more than capable of making his own decisions with or without my consent.  Secondly, how much of the situation do you even know?  Have you even bothered to get the facts or are you just running on outrage and wounded pride?” 

Dick’s mouth dropped open and then snapped shut into a hard line.  “He’s the _Joker_ Tim.  He killed hundreds if not _thousands_ of people.  How can you, all of you, just be ok with this?” 

“With what?”  Tim asked, cocking his head to the side slightly, “With the fact that the Joker killed people?  I don’t think any of us are ok with him having killed people Dick, but Jay is not the Joker.” 

“Oh that is such bullshit!”  Dick screamed angrily, “yes, _he fucking is the Joker_.  Just because he’s— 

“Sane?” 

“He’s still the Joker!”  Dick snarled 

“No.  He’s not.” 

Dick spun, preparing to jump off the building when Tim called him back, “Dick wait.”  Dick paused not turning back around, his chest heaving.  “Dick” Tim continued, “You have always, _always_ been willing to try and talk Bruce into giving Harvey Dent another chance.  You have always taken his side and tried to argue that he deserved the chance to get better, to get help.  Why aren’t you willing to say the same about the Joker?  After all he is better.  He did get help, isn’t that the point?” 

Dick’s shoulder’s tensed.  “This isn’t the same.”  He said in a low voice, “Harvey never killed— 

“And that’s it, right there.  Harvey never made it personal.  The Joker did.  So in your mind that makes it ok to give— 

“You don’t understand!”  Dick interrupted furiously, “You can’t.  You weren’t there, you never knew Babs when she wasn’t locked in that damn chair, you never got to meet Jason— 

“So I can’t understand?  Dick I’ve lost just as many people as you have.”  Tim said coldly, “You will not stand there and lecture me on understanding loss.” 

“No, I’m not—Tim what if he had killed your dad?  Or Steph?  What if he’d been the one to pull the trigger?” 

Tim watched him for a moment.  “I like to think that given what I know, that’d I’d be able to forgive him.  He was sick.  Now he’s not.”  Tim looked away, “Maybe I’m bias,” He said after a long moment of watching the city skyline. “because he helped bring back Conner.” 

“I’d…I’d forgotten about that.”  Dick said. 

Tim looked back at him, a small smile on his lips.  “He’s… well he’s always been kind to me.  And yeah, I was upset when I first found out that he was working at WayneTech but then he offered to help bring back Conner and I got to work with him and it was just so much easier to see him as Jay than as the Joker.  I mean if you spend _any_ time with him…” Tim shrugged, “You have a lot more history with the Joker than I do Dick, but Bruce has more.  If Bruce can love him anyway…” 

Dick shook his head, “And that’s just it.  Ok, I get that he helped you and you’re right you don’t have the history, but _Bruce—_ Tim you just can’t understand how sick this is!” 

“You’re right.”  He gave a half shrug. “I can’t.” 

Dick watched him for a moment and then sighed, “Just…keep and eye on him.  He’s still the Joker.”  He dove off the sky scrapper, shooting out a grappling line mid dive. 

“No.”  Tim sighed watching him go.  “He’s not.”   

 * * *

“You should have called me.” 

Jay jerked awake from the half doze he’d fall into.  After dinner he’d retreated once again to his study and his overstuffed armchair.  He blinked in the dim light of his desk lamp as Bruce moved further into the room to take him in his arms.  Jay sighed happily as the Bruce wrapped himself around him. 

“I’m fine.”  He mumbled into Bruce’s neck. 

“Jay, I’m sorry about Dick.”  He sighed, “I… I should have anticipated that he’d try to speak with you I— 

Jay covered his mouth with his own.  The kiss was long and deep, tongues tangling together wetly, when they broke apart Jay shook his head.  “Later, we’ll talk about it later.  Right now take me to bed.”  

Bruce smiled, “that I can do.” 

“Good.”  Jay said approving as he hauled himself to his feet, “glad to hear it.”  He shooed Bruce toward the door, “Go on.” 

They headed up the stairs and into their room, striping out of suit jackets and ties, until Bruce grabbed Jay and pulled him against him hard, “What do you want?”  He asked in a husky whisper. 

Jay shivered, grinding his hips against Bruce’s.  “God.”  His eyes slid shut, hips still moving, “Fuck me. Fuck me _hard._ ” 

Bruce growled and pulled Jay roughly down on the bed, the rest of their clothes were ripped off and Bruce ran his hands almost reverently down the exposed flesh, running them back up to take off the amulet.  Jay raised an eyebrow as Bruce tossed it on the side table, “You take that off every time we make love, why?” 

“Because,” Bruce whispered against Jay’s ear as he kissed and sucked, “I making love to you, not to some magical illusion.” 

Jay’s eyes closed again as Bruce hit a particularly sensitive spot and he groaned quietly, his hips jerking up against the solid mass off Bruce’s body, “I want,” Jay breathed, “to go somewhere private for the honey moon.  Somewhere we can fuck, out side, in broad day light where no one will see us, and I’m not even going to bring the damn amulet.” 

It was Bruce’s turn to groan.  “Yes.”  He growled, shoving his hips down against Jay’s, “Fuck yes.” 

Jay smiled wickedly at him, “Well I’m waiting but somebody’s taking their sweet time.” 

Bruce’s eyes sparkled as he flipped Jay, who squawked in surprise, over suddenly keeping him pinned with one hand while he fished the lube out of the side draw with the other.  He leaned back over Jay’s body and purred, “By the time I’m done, you’re not going to be able to sit properly for a week.” 

Jay shivered hard, moaning and thrusting his hips back toward Bruce, “All talk.”  He managed to gasp out and one lubed finger penetrated him. 

Bruce laughed and added a second and then a third.  It was rushed but enough—if only just.  He lubed himself up and thrust inside to Jay’s accompanying moan.  “Have you ever been to the Bahamas?”  Bruce asked on his second thrust. 

“ _Jesus_.”  Jay moved with him, fingers gripping the sheets in white knuckled firsts “No,” he shook his head, “the only time I’ve been outside of Gotham was working with Luthor or one of the others.” 

“We’ve got an island there.” 

Jay thrust his hips back as Bruce pushed forward, “Oh god,” Jay moaned, “Jesus, yes, fuck, right _there_.”  Bruce’s hands tightened around Jay’s stomach, “I-island?” 

“Yeah,” Bruce answered on a gust of breath, “It’s about fifty miles from anything resembling civilization, my grandfather built a summer home there.”  Bruce pulled out entirely making Jay whine, and then flipped Jay over again and slid back in so they were face to face, “I want,” Bruce growled as he leaned down to capture Jay’s mouth with his own, “To fuck you on the beach, in the water, and in every room of that seventy-two room mansion.”

 Jay arched up to meet him, his eyes bright, his hands fisting in Bruce’s hair, “And I’m going to let you.”  Jay replied his eyes closing as he came.  Bruce continued thrusting for a few more moments and then came as well.  They lay panting together for a moment and then Bruce rolled over on his side and propped his head up to look at Jay.   Grinning, he said, “You _like_ the idea of having sex public.” 

Jay laughed, “Well I did say that’s what I wanted to do.” 

“Yeah, but you _really_ like the idea.”  Bruce’s hand wandered down Jay’s stomach and toyed with Jay’s flaccid cock, “I didn’t even have to touch you.” 

Jay gave him a lazy smile, “Oh it wasn’t what you said, it was how you said it.” 

Bruce raised an eyebrow, and Jay’s grin widened, “It was _almost_ but not quite Bat voice, there is something about that tone,” Jay shivered, “fuck it did it for me when I _wasn’t_ sane.”  Jay seemed to realize what he’d said and then blanched, “Uh, that is— 

Bruce pulled him close and kissed him, “Breathe.”  He whispered.  Jay nodded, not making eye contact, “Jay,” Bruce said gently, “Come on, talk to me.” 

“Bruce,” he answered quietly, “Trust me when I say this, you don’t want to know.” 

“You, as the Joker, jacked off thinking about my voice.  About Batman’s voice.”  Bruce guessed.  Jay sighed, and nodded still looking away. 

 “The irony of it right?  Since when we first started dating Bat voice upset me so.”  He sighed again, “but yeah, I did, back in the day.” 

 Bruce brought his head around and kissed him gently, “That’s nothing to be upset over.” 

“I didn’t want…” Jay ran a hand through his hair, and then turned and looked Bruce squarely in the eye, “I swear to you that I did _not_ know who you were.  I fell in love with _you_ Bruce Wayne.  I don’t want you to think that this is some…weird left over infatuation.” 

Bruce nodded, looking thoughtful, “you didn’t tell Miriam about this did you?” 

Jay’s eyebrows rose past his hair line, “That I jacked off thinking about Batman?  No, but I bet you she guessed, and after she healed me she would have known.”  He shrugged. 

“Can I ask why?  I mean not about telling Miriam— 

“Why I had a thing for you?” Bruce nodded.  Jay made a face, “I’m not really sure you want to hear about this Bruce.  I mean, you’ve seen what I _did_ but you’ve never really gotten into my head, and…well I’m not sure you want to.” 

“Try me.”  Jay opened his mouth to object and Bruce held up a hand, “If it starts to make me uncomfortable I’ll ask you to stop.”  At a look from Jay he added, “You have my word.” 

Jay rolled his shouldered uneasily, “You were…my world.  It was like…it was like living in black and white all the time, like I’d been dipped in Novocain, I couldn’t _feel_ anything, but when you were around,” Jay closed his eyes remembering, “the color came back.  I could feel again.  And it was _wonderful._ Everything I did after a while was just to keep you coming back,” Jay’s eyes snapped open, his eyes finding Bruce’s “That does _not_ mean you are responsible for what happened, you understand?” Bruce hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Do you actually mean that?”  Jay pressed, “Or are you just humoring me?” 

Bruce kissed Jay on the forehead, “A little of both, but I already blamed myself.” 

“I wish you wouldn’t do that,” Jay complained, “It’s not your fault.  It’s _mine._ ” 

“How about we save the blame game for later?” 

Jay chuckled darkly, “Fine.” He shrugged, “I was obsessed, I don’t think that Miriam would be—or was— all that surprised to find out that I jacked off thinking about your voice.” 

“Do you still?” 

Jay looked surprised, “Jack off thinking about Batman?  Or thinking about Bruce Wayne?” 

 “Both.” Bruce grinned.  

Jay smiled in return, “To be honest I don’t jack off all that often, I’ve got you.  Everyone once in awhile, when you’re out late and I’m here by myself and then I’m usually thinking about you, your mouth, your hands, your ass.  God I love your ass.”  Jay pulled himself closer so that their stomach’s where touching.  “But no I haven’t jacked off thinking about ‘Batman’…I tried once, before we met, but… it made me uncomfortable, like I was doing something wrong.”  Jay gave a one shouldered shrug, “I haven’t tried again.” 

“You want to?” 

Jay laughed, he pulled him close and kissed him, “are you worried I’m going to get bored or something?  Bruce you are _more_ than enough for me.” 

Bruce grinned, “I’m glad to hear it.  You didn’t answer the question.” 

Jay made a face at him, “I have, upon occasion, thought that it might be…I liked it when we fucked while you were wearing the costume.  I’m pretty sure that if you used Bat voice it would more or less have the same effect.” 

 Bruce looked thoughtful for a moment, “Would it help you to know that I dreamed about you?  About the Joker?” 

Jay blinked in surprise, “I’m assuming you mean erotic dreams.” 

Bruce nodded, “I was horrified.”  He admitted. 

“Were we having sex?”  Bruce nodded again.  Jay grinned hugely, “You know, and I know this is fraught with,” Jay waived his hand vaguely, “But I have to admit it’s nice to know that I had as much an impact on you as you did on me.” 

“More now.”  Bruce said, running his hand down Jay’s chest and toying with his cock. 

“Mmmm,” Jay sighed happily, “So, wait …is _that_ why you like it without the amulet?” 

Bruce laughed in surprise, “I don’t think so.  To be honest I really don’t think of you as the Joker.  You’d have to be wearing the suit I think, for it to really be the same.” 

Jay raised one eyebrow, a wicked light in his eyes, “you want me to?”  

Bruce closed his eyes, “I think I’m afraid to answer that question.” 

Jay chuckled, “Fair enough, I’ll ask it again some time.” 

Bruce nodded, “Good.”

 *   *   *

 “I’ve got to get a new office.”  Jay muttered at the sight of the woman in the wheelchair waiting for him.  He forced his back strait and fought down the urge to turn and run.  “Good morning Ms. Gordon, and to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?”  He asked as he unlocked the door to his office. 

She eyed him for a moment.  They had never met before; Jay had always managed to need to be somewhere else when she visited Wayne Manor, which wasn’t often.  Oh, he’d seen pictures, Hell he taken some of them he remembered with a feeling of disgust, but it wasn’t the same.  She was beautiful, that was unquestionably true, but there was hardness to her eyes and the line of her mouth that aged her.  He’d done that, he knew, he taken this spirited human being—because by all accounts Barbra Gordon had been the epitome of life before the shooting—and crippled it, made it hard and angry and locked it in a chair.  He felt the fight go out of him.  

“Did you want to come in?” he asked quietly. 

His self loathing and upset must have come through in his voice because her expression changed— a brief widening of her eyes— and then she nodded.  She wheeled in first, which he considered extraordinary brave; if the situation had been reversed he doubted he could have done it.  He paused with his hand on the door, “Do you want me to leave it open?” 

That question elicited her first verbal response, “Is the room sound proofed?” 

“Ah,” Jay flushed, “Yes actually.” 

Her eyes narrowed suspiciously and he clarified haltingly, “Bruce and I, um,” he gestured toward the couch and her expression cleared replaced by evident surprise. 

“You’re kidding.”  She said, her tone stunned, “How on earth did you get Bruce to unbend that much?” 

Jay bushed, “We were…pretty frantic when we first got together.”  Jay couldn’t _believe_ he was telling her this, but it was hard to deny her with the chair glaring at him accusingly, “I don’t know about Bruce, but it’d been quite a while for me.”  He cleared his throat, “So?” he gestured toward the door. 

She eyed him once more and then said, “I’ll risk it.” 

He nodded and shut the door, taking up his place behind his desk.  “I’d offer you some coffee, but I managed to break the damn thing, water?” 

“I’m fine,” she demurred, “what did you do to the coffee machine?”  She asked glancing toward the abused looking machine in the corner. 

“I left it alone with an Intern.” 

That surprised a laugh out of her and he smiled gently, “So, in all seriousness, what can I do for you?” 

“I know.” She said gesturing toward him, “I’ve known almost from the start.” 

“You’ve _what_?”  He’d thought that Grayson might have told her.  He hadn’t expected to hear that it was old news. “Does—does _Bruce_ know that?” 

Barbara snorted, “Bruce doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does.” 

“Well _I_ could have told you that.”  Jay replied dryly, “But how on earth…?” 

“I tracked the records.  Miriam is good.  Very good.  I’m better.”  She said smugly.  “I’ve always kept a very close eye on you.  And when you were released, I followed.  I traced everything; I’ve got backdoors buried so deeply into Arkham’s systems that she’s never found them.  So I knew that you went to stay with her.  I knew that you filed to have your name changed.  I followed you through your first job and then to Wayne Tech.”  Jay looked stunned.  “What I didn’t know is what you looked like.” She looked him up and down, “That’s quite the application of cosmetics.” 

“Wha—oh, no, it’s—” Jay shook his head, “Why on earth didn’t you _tell_ someone?  Bruce? Grayson?  _Anyone?_ ” 

“Because I wanted to see what you would do.  I knew where you were, I was going to wait until you screwed up.”  Her mouth twisted, “Only you didn’t.  You were as good as gold. And then one morning I woke up and read the head line that Billionaire Playboy Bruce Wayne had come out of the closet and was dating Jay O’Connell.”  She closed her eyes, “And then I didn’t know what to do.  I, we, all keep tabs on Bruce.  He’s not the most… emotionally stable person in the world.”  Jay snorted in assent, and Barbra smiled, “And for the last oh, year or so, he’d been happier than any of us had ever seen him.  Alfred had been convinced that he was seeing someone, and when it turned out to be you…I assumed that he already knew.  He does know right?”  She asked sharply 

Jay nodded, “He knows, and I about him and Tim and even Clark.”  Her eyes widened, and he grinned, “Long story.” 

“What I don’t know, and what I’ve been left wondering is…how?  What happened that you are now,” she gestured, “Jay O’Connell corrupter of playboys rather than the Joker mass murder.” 

“Miriam.”  Jay said simply. 

“Sorry?” 

“M’s, well she’s not whatya’d call normal, she’s— she rebuilt my brain via magical channels.” 

Barbara hissed in understanding, “Is _that_ how…” 

“Yes.  I’m, well, after the swan dive into the vast of acid my brain looked more or less like Swiss cheese, to quote M.   She plugged up the holes and rewired the entire thing, it wasn’t easy, and to this day I think it almost killed her, all though she won’t confirm that fact.  Tim saw her right after; he said that she looked like death warmed over.” 

Barbara shook her head, “God it makes so much _sense_ now.  That was back when she went missing; Tim even called me and asked if I’d heard from her.” 

Jay nodded absently, after a moment he said haltingly, “I, I _know_ that this is not sufficient.  That it will never _be_ sufficient, but I am so horrifyingly sorry about what I did to you.  If I could trade places with you, I would do it in a heart beat.   I would do almost anything to make it up to you.” 

“Almost?”  Barbara asked 

“I will not leave Bruce.”  He said firmly, “Beyond that I will do everything in my power.” 

“Dick came to see you.”  She said knowingly and Jay nodded, “Well you don’t have to worry, I’m not here to demand that you stop seeing him.  I really don’t care what Bruce does with his love life, but then he’s not _my_ father so it’s easier for me.  What I do want…” she let the sentence trail off as she bit her lip, finally she asked, “Do you think that Miriam could fix me?” 

Jay stared at her eyes wide, “I…I don’t know.  I would _think_ so.” 

“Would you ask her for me?” 

“Of _course_ I will, _Jesus_ , I can’t believe _I_ didn’t think of that.” Barbara’s face was unreadable as she watched him for a moment, “She’s on vacation right now,” he explained apologetically, “but she’s due back in a few days.  I’ll ask her as soon as she gets back.” 

“I forgave you.”  She said suddenly, apropos of nothing. 

Jay blinked, “I’m sorry?” 

“I forgave you.  For doing this to me.”  She indicated the chair, “Not for you, but for me.  The anger was eating me up inside and I had to let it go or it would have consumed me.  So I forgave you.” 

“Well,” Jay said after a moment, his voice rough, “I hope that one day I’ll be able to earn it.” 

Barbara smiled, it was the first real smile she’d shown him since they’d met, and it was stunning.  “You’re off to a good start.” 

*   *   *

Dick trudged up the stairs to his apartment, throwing down his bag and flipping on the light switch and then started violently as the girl sitting in the chair opposite him became visible. “ _Who the hell are you_?” He demanded, hand going to the gun at his hip. 

“My name is Miriam O’Connell.” 

Dick’s eyes narrowed, “You’re that kid pretending to be the head director at Arkham.” 

Miriam’s smile was unkind, “And _you_ are just as much of an ass as they say you are.  I’ve come to give you a warning.  You will stay away from Jay.  You will not tell _anyone_ about his past.”

 Dick snorted, “Kid— 

Dick stopped abruptly as he felt something _twist_ inside him.  Suddenly, suddenly _all_ he wanted no _needed_ as he had needed nothing before in his entire life was this woman sitting in front of him.  To want him.  To need him. To love him. 

“Come.”  Dick rushed to obey, his heart leaping at the chance to prove his devotion.  “Kneel.”  He dropped to his knees in front of her, staring up worshipfully to where she now stood above him.  She leaned toward him, her hand cupping his face and he felt his heart sing at the touch, “I can make this permanent.”  She whispered.  _Oh yes!_   He thought rapturously, _yes!_   “I want you to remember that.” 

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, it stopped.  Dick’s eyes flared wide and he scrambled back away from her, his heart pounding.  “How—w-what— 

“If you so much as breathe a _word_ about Jay I will know it and I will find you.”  Her eyes glowed brightly for a moment.  “I will find you Dick Grayson and I will strip you of every last shred of will you posses.  I will make you a walking puppet.  I am giving you this _one_ opportunity to make the decision yourself but if you fail to heed my warning, it will be the last decision you are ever able to make.  Do you understand me?” 

“You can’t—I won’t— 

“Kneel!” 

His knees hit the floor with a hollow thump and he bowed his head in mortification.  He had angered this beautiful creature!  He was dirt; no he was _less than dirt_.  He deserved to be beaten, made to suffer— wracked with unforgiving torment.  How he could have put that look of displeasure on her exquisite face?  He shuddered, how could he have been so stupid?  So ungrateful?  She had allowed him into her presence and he had failed her.  “I’m sorry mistress.”  He begged, “I’m so, so sorry.  Forgive me.  Please, I can do better, I swear.  _Please._ ” 

He felt the twist again and he made a desperate sound as he surged up and away from her, terror knotting his stomach. She advanced on him, her eyes hard.  “I can do anything I bloody well want.  This is your one and only warning.  I will not give you another chance.” 

Dick fought to gather together the remnants of his tatter sense of self.  He swallowed, pulling himself upright, “I knew he couldn’t be trusted.”  He said roughly, but his heart was racing and he couldn’t stop the surge of fear that screamed through him as Miriam rolled her eyes. 

“Goddess but you are blind.  Jay doesn’t know I’m here you arrogant little prick.”  

Dick took a shuddering breath.  “And I’m supposed to believe that?”  

“What?  That he doesn’t know I’m here?”  Miriam asked scornfully, “Frankly Grayson I don’t give a damn what you do or don’t believe.” 

She paused for a moment, her eyes wandering around his messy apartment with a sense of ownership that made Dick ill.  Finally she turned back to him and said, “Let me put this in small words.  Jay is family.  No one,” her eyes flared again, “fucks with my family.  He has worked too hard and suffered too much to have some egotistical brat with a daddy complex ruin everything for him.  You can make any excuse you want, grandstand, point fingers, but understand _this_ , the only thing I care about is keeping Jay safe.  Not you, not your pathetic ego or misguided sense of justice.  I’m not some ridiculous supervillan in spandex.  If you fuck with me I will not tie you up in some elaborately contrived plot device, I will simply rip out every last shred of self that you have and leave you completely and utterly empty.  But I tell you this.”  She held up a finger, “No one will know.  I will simply have you act, for the rest of your life, as if you’ve had a mental break, and you will spend the rest of your life in a padded cell.”  She smiled cruelly, “I rather like the irony of that.” 

She strolled passed him, her cruel smiled widening as he took an unconscious step back.  She walked to the door and pulled it open, pausing on the threshold, “Oh and Grayson?”  Dick felt his heart leap up into his throat even as he attempted to stare her down coldly, “You’ll not be speaking about our little visit tonight.  Not to Bruce, or Tim or Oracle.  Not even to Jay.  Choose wisely.”  And with that she left. 

Dick dropped down into the chair opposite, his heart pounding in his ears.  He swallowed down the bile in his throat and tried to ignore the constricting of his stomach.  He had to find a way to stop her from doing…whatever it was she’d been doing.  He dropped his head into his hands.  Bruce had gone too far.  This was too much.  This had to be stopped. 

 * * *

 “Miriam!” Jay cried in delight, coming around his desk hug her as she came into his office. “When did you get back?”  

Miriam grinned as she plopped herself down in the chair in front of Jay’s desk. “Last night actually.  I trust you’ve behaved yourself while I was gone?” 

Jay grinned, “I have.”  He bounced on the balls of his feet, hands in his trouser pockets, “I’ve got some good new.” 

“Oh?”  Miriam asked knowingly. 

“Bruce took me on one of his undercover operations because of which he was able to shut down Dergoue!” 

Miriam blinked.  “Oh, uh— 

Jay smiled wickedly, “And we got engaged.  But then you knew that seeing as how you helped pick out the ring.” 

Miriam stuck her tongue out at him.  “Dork.  So you’re doing undercover work?  How did that go?” 

“Miriam.”  Jay whined, “You’ve not been back ten minutes and you’re already playing shrink.” 

“I’m a workaholic.”  She deadpanned.  Then more seriously she asked, “So did it go ok?” 

“It was…to tell the truth it was fantastic.  You don’t think that’s a bad sign do you?”  Jay asked worriedly.

 “Did you kill anyone?” 

“No!” 

“Then I think you’re fine.”

“Brat.”  Jay muttered, “So,” he glanced at the clock on his computer, “You have time to get lunch?” 

“What do you think I came by for silly?”  

“Right.  What was I thinking?”  Jay rolled his eyes, grinning.  “Silly me.” 

“Tira, I’m going to be taking an extended lunch, call me if anything life changing happens.”  Jay called as they strolled out of his office and past her desk.

 * * *

They were seated at a side walk café, where Miriam’s food was slowly growing cold as Jay had related the events of the last few weeks.  Jay knew it wasn’t going well when Miriam started ignoring her food.  Not much stood between Miriam and a good meal. 

“So Dick knows and is threatening to expose you if you don’t leave Bruce.  _Barbra_ knows and is _ok_ with it; you’re engaged and haven’t set a date.”  Miriam summed up looking ill, “I’m going to have to stop going on holiday.  Anything else?”  

Jay looked sheepish, one hand tracing the metal scroll work of the cast-iron table “Ah, Barbra asked if you could heal her and I told her I’d ask.” 

“Ah.”  Miriam sighed running a hand through her hair.  “Sure, healing, that I can do.  What did Bruce say about Dick?” 

Jay made a face, “Bruce thinks he won’t say anything.” 

Their waitress reappeared to refill their drinks, once she was gone Miriam said, “I take it you don’t believe him?” 

“I’m not sure.  Grayson is… _very_ angry.”  He sighed heavily, “Not that I can really blame him.” 

Miriam looked up sharply, “Jay.”  She said warningly.

 “I know, I know.  I was sick, it wasn’t me.” 

“Damn right.”  She leaned back in her chair, “We’ll just have to trust that Bruce knows his foster son well enough to judge.” 

Jay frowned, Miriam was taking this _much_ too well and he could feel…something through their connection a low thrum… “Miriam, what aren’t you telling me?” 

“What?”  Miriam asked, not quiet able to keep the surprised panic out of her expression. 

Jay’s eyes widened, “Miriam what did you do?”  He demanded urgently. 

“I didn’t do anything!”  She defended, her eyes falling to her plate of untouched food. 

“And now you’re lying!  Miriam look at me,” Unwillingly Miriam dragged her eyes up to meet his, “What did you do?!” 

“I knew this wasn’t going to work.  Damn this stupid link.”  She muttered, running a hand through her hair nervously, “Well, Tim called me and told me that Dick had found out and that he wasn’t taking it well so I came home early and had a…talk with Dick.” 

“ _And?”_

“I took possession of his mind and let him feel what it was like and then I told him I could do it permanently and if he tried to hurt you or expose you I’d make him act like he’d had a mental break.”  She said in a rush. 

“Oh Miriam.”  Jay groaned, putting his head into his hands. “God, _why_?!” 

“He was going to hurt you.”  She cried, “You didn’t really expect me to just _let_ him did you?  You’re my _family_.”  She all but wailed. 

“Oh sweetie.”  Jay reached across the table and took her hand, “I love you more than you can know for trying to do this for me, but you can’t fight all my battles and threatening Grayson isn’t doing anyone any favors.” 

She dropped her eyes to the table and Jay was reminded of just how young she was.  They put too much pressure on her to have all the answers.  He’d have to be more careful about that.  He’d needed her to fix him, now, perhaps, it was time he had a go at fixing her.  “I’ve made this worse haven’t I?”  She asked softly. 

Jay squeezed her hand, “It’s alright.  You were just trying to protect me.  We’ll get things straitened out.  Firstly, no matter what happens, you can’t take possession of Grayson’s mind.  Promise me?” 

“I promise.” She sighed.

 “Good.  And no mind wiping either.”  He added, after a long moment of silence, Jay prodded, “Mariam?” 

“Fine.”  

“Good.  That’s settled.” 

Miriam looked up at him, “Jay what are we going to do if he _does_ tell everyone?” 

Jay looked at her, some of the panic he’d been fighting mirrored in his eyes.  “I don’t know.  But we can’t hurt him, we’d just be proving him right.” 

“I know.  You’re right.  I wasn’t thinking particular clearly.”  She shook her head, “All,”  She made a face “All I could see was my mother,” her voice wavered, “and I wasn’t, I couldn’t—She broke off, unable to finish and Jay moved his chair around the table until he could pull her into a hug. 

“I’m not going anywhere.”  He said adamantly, “I don’t care _what_ happens, I’ll always be here for you.” 

“But you’ve worked so hard,” she said, fighting back a sob, “It’s not fair!” 

“Life often isn’t.   You and I know that better than most.”  He kissed her on the temple, “We’ll figure something out.” 

*   *   *

  “What do you want?”  Dick demanded coldly 

“I was hoping to come in.”  Jay said leaning in the doorway his arms crossed over his chest, “As I’d like to talk to you and this isn’t really something that we should be discussing on the doorstep.” 

“I have nothing to say to you.”  Dick said roughly as he tried to shut the door on Jay, who shoved his foot in the way. 

“Well I’ve got something to say to you, kiddo, so you can either listen here or inside.  Your choice.” 

Jay waited watching the expressions war over Grayson’s face and decided that he’d pay good money to know what he was thinking at the moment.  Finally Grayson opened the door wider, indicating that Jay could come in.  Silently Jay sent up a cheer.  He’d been terrified that he wouldn’t even get past the front door. 

Once they were inside Dick said, “Don’t get comfortable.  You won’t be here long.” 

Jay chuckled darkly, “Understood.  Now,” he squared his shoulders, looking Grayson in the eye, “the reason that I’m here is to let you know that I’ve spoken with Miriam and she told me about what happened last night.  We’ve talked.  It won’t happen again.”  At the skeptical look Dick gave him Jay elaborated.  “You need to know that Miriam lost the only person she thought of as family in a very violent and bloody way,”  Jay eyed him, “Something I think you, of all people, ought to be able to sympathize with.  Because of this she has a rather…violent reaction to anyone trying to harm the family she’s managed to build since then.  She realizes, after talking to me, that what she did was wrong and she will not, regardless of what you intend to do with the information about me, cause any harm to you or your mental state.” 

Dick’s face twisted unpleasantly, “So now you get to ride in and look like the white night?  All noble and self sacrificing?” 

Jay smiled wryly, “You are most definitely Bruce’s son.”  He shook his head, “Grayson, can you even understand that she was trying to protect me?  That what she was doing she was doing out of love?” 

“She has a pretty twisted way of showing her ‘love’” Dick sneered in return. 

Jay shrugged, “Given the fact that you spend your time with a woman who is the progeny of a demon and has tried to kill you on more than one occasion, I think you’ve got a little to much glass in your own house to be throwing stones.”

 Dick looked surprised, “How did you— 

“Know about Raven?  Grayson, I used to be the Joker, I know all about you and your playmates.  I spent the better part of my life keeping tabs on all of you.”  Jay rolled his eyes.  “I’m sane now, that doesn’t mean I don’t remember everything.  Although to tell you the truth there are some nights I wish I didn’t.” 

“What she did… 

“Was horrible yes, Miriam, rather like Raven, is the progeny of a rather…unsavory individual.  Individuals really.  And when you threatened her family she was scared enough to forget who she really is.” 

After an extended period of staring off into space, Dick finally sighed , “Alright.”  Jay’s eyes went wide and Dick glared at him.  “I don’t trust you.  I don’t even _like_ you, but Tim, Bruce hell even _Clark_ have been by to talk to me and they all say pretty much the same thing.  That you’re different, better.  That you’re not the same.  I don’t know that I buy that, but I do know what it’s like to have family threatened and to want to protect it at all costs.  So I’m not blaming Miriam.   I’ve seen Raven go off the deep end too many times to say that I can’t understand.  That doesn’t mean,” He added sharply, “that I’m ok with you sleeping with Bruce.  I still think its sick, whatever changes you’ve made, you are still the man that killed Jason Todd and crippled Babs.” 

“That’s fine.” Jay nodded, “I don’t much like you either.  Never did, too many puns.”  Dick’s mouth fell open, but Jay ignored him.  “Hell I can’t even say that I don’t understand.  All I can do is hope that you’ll keep this to yourself, because if you don’t you won’t just be hurting me.  You’ll be hurting Bruce, and Tim and Conner.” 

“What do Tim and Conner have to do with this?” 

“Conner is my son, legally.” 

“What?!” 

“I adopted him after we brought him back.” 

Dick sat down, “This is so weird.” 

Jay smiled slightly, “I know.  He took a seat opposite Dick. “I’m absolutely terrified about who you might tell.”  He said conversationally, “You have the ability to bring about the destruction of everything I’ve work so hard for in the last few years, and I’m not even sure I could blame you.”  He shrugged, “I’m hoping that you’ll be the better man, but I can’t know that and I don’t really deserve it.”  Dick looked up sharply and Jay’s smiled wryly, “the bitch about being sane again is having a conscience.  Anyway,” Jay put his hands on his knees and shoved himself to his feet, “You should know that Miriam has agreed to heal Ms. Gordon.  She plans to perform the ceremony day after tomorrow.  It’ll be at the Clock Tower if you want to be there.” 

He began heading for the door when Dick’s voice stopped him.  “I’m not going to tell anyone.  But I’m going to be watching you like a hawk.”  He said eyes hard, “You screw up and I’ll be there.” 

Jay turned slightly, and nodded, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  He let himself out and waited until he was in his car to allow the conflicting emotions of panic, fear and relief to overtake him. 

* * *

“Master Jay I’m proud of you.”  Alfred said approvingly as he set down a tray of sandwiches between Jay and Bruce. 

Bruce nodded in agreement.  “I still wish Miriam hadn’t gotten involved.”  He added, picking up a sandwich and taking a bite. 

“M has a tendency to be over protective.”  Jay defended, “Besides, you’re one to talk, the only reason you weren’t going all Dark Knight Defender on him was because he’s one of yours.”  Bruce raised an eyebrow.  “Don’t raise your eyebrow at me, you know it’s true.”  Jay’s smile softened, “Its one of the reasons I love you so much.”   Bruce returned the smile, taking another bite of his sandwich. 

“Well,” Alfred said briskly, “Now that that’s settled we have a much more important matter on our hands.”  They both turned to him questioningly.  “We have a wedding to plan.”  Alfred reminded them, one silver eyebrow arched. 

“Oh.”  Jay said eyes widening slightly as he exchanged a mildly panicked look with Bruce, “Right.  I’d almost forgotten.” 

“Now I’ll need each of you to make out a list of people you would like to attend.  We’ll need to settle on a location, keeping in mind that we’ll need something highly private if we’re to keep the riffraff out.   If either of you has a preference please add that to your guest lists, which I expect back from you no latter than next week.” 

Jay gave Bruce an alarmed look, who shrugged resignedly.  “We’ll do our best Alfred.”  Bruce assured him.  

“I shall fetch you some paper.”  Alfred said as he left the room. 

Jay ran a hand through his hair, “I suppose it’s too much to ask for it to be a small, private affair?” 

Bruce snorted, “Good luck with that.” 

“Yeah,” Jay sighed, “that’s what I thought.  So…are you going to invite the Capes?” 

“Some of them.”  Bruce said evenly, “Most don’t know my identity.” 

Jay’s eyebrows went up, “Really?  I thought all of you knew who each other were.” 

Bruce bared his teeth in a feral grin, “I know who _they_ are, they don’t know who _I_ am.” 

Jay rolled his eyes, “Why am I not surprised.  Hey, what do you think about having M do the ceremony?” 

Bruce considered it for a moment, and then nodded thoughtfully, “I like it.  Is she authorized?” 

Jay lifted on shoulder in a half shrug, “You can get ordained on line these days, and technically she’s both a shaman _and_ a princess, so you know, there’s that.” 

“Princess?”  Bruce questioned 

“She’s the daughter of the Queen of the fae, ergo she is a princess.” 

“Right.” 

Jay chewed on his lower lip, “That or I could ask her to be my best man, woman.  Whatever.” 

Bruce pointed half a sandwich at him.  “You should get Harley to be your best man.” 

“Yeah, cause M would _love_ that idea.”  Jay returned, his voice dripping sarcasm. 

Bruce smirked, “It would make things interesting.” 

“I’ve had enough interesting to last me a life time thank you very much.”  Jay sniffed. “Besides, I haven’t seen Harl since Arkham.” 

Bruce nodded, “Miriam told me that she planned on keeping all of the inmates separate from one another once they were released.  At the time I’d wondered how she planned to manage it.  That was, of course _before_ ,” Bruce drawled, “I knew about her unorthodox methods.”  

“Unorthodox methods,” Jay snorted, “and _you,_ of course, are the model of orthodoxy.  But yeah, she’s got it set up so that if we get so many feet within each other we suddenly ‘remember’” he made air quotes, “that we’re needed somewhere else and simply turn around and leave.”  He rubbed the back his neck, “It’s a spell.  It’s happened to me a couple of times, all of sudden I’ll just _have_ to be somewhere else.  I was late for a meeting once because of it.”  He scowled. 

Bruce laughed, “You should complain to Miriam.” 

“I did.”  Jay said, looking indignant, “She said it was unavoidable.”  He muttered something under his breath and Bruce laughed again. 

“So,” Bruce asked “who are you going to invite?” 

“Me?  Well, Conner, Tim, but then he’ll be on your list as well, hey who are _you_ going to get for your best man?” 

Bruce sighed heavily, “Well I would have asked Dick, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea now.  Clark probably.” 

Jay nodded, his gazed dropped to the table where he picked at the remnants of his sandwich, “I’m so sorry Bruce.”  He said quietly, “I really am.” 

“I know.”  Bruce reassured him, catching Jay’s hand in his.  Jay glanced up to be faced with a pair of warm blue eyes, “I don’t regret anything Jay.  If I could do it all again, even knowing that Dick would find out, I would.”  He kissed Jay’s hand. 

“Charmer.”  Jay teased, his voice rough. “Thanks.” He added.  He cleared his throat, “So I’ve got one person,” he sighed, “Going to be a small wedding on _my_ side at any rate.” 

Bruce echoed his sigh, “I’ll more than make up for it I’m afraid.” 

Jay glanced over his should and then hunched toward Bruce and whispered, “Maybe we can just run off to Fiji?” 

“Not a chance Master Jay.”  Alfred announced as he swept back into the room with paper and pens in hand, “Not a chance.” 

* * *

 Barbra wheeled herself out into the living room to answer the door. 

“Hi.”  A familiar looking girl with dark hair and green eyes greeted her, extending a hand, “I’m Miriam.” 

Barbra’s lips quirked up in a wry smile, as she took the girl’s hand, “Nice to me you, in person that is.” 

Miriam grinned, “Like wise.  Can I come in?” 

Barbra wheeled back a few feet so that she could enter, “So,” she asked as she moved further into the room, “You probably get asked this all the time, where are you from?”

 “Wales.”  Miriam answered, as she tilted her head back to take in the room, “This place is amazing.  I don’t think I’ve ever been in a clock tower before.” 

Barbra nodded, “It’s definitely unique.  Can I get you something to drink?” 

Miriam shook her head turning back around to face Barbara, “I’m good.  Do you mind if I sit?” 

“No,” Barbra waved a hand toward the couch, “Please” 

Miriam plopped down onto the overstuffed couch, setting the large black bag that she carried on the floor next to her.  “So,” she said, fixing Barbra with a penetration stare, “What did Jay tell you?” 

“Just that you’d healed him.  With magic.  And that you might be able to do the same for me.” 

Miriam nodded, her expression thoughtful.  Barbra had been trained by Bruce himself to read people, to anticipate action and thought through subtle cues that a person gave off.  With Miriam Barbra felt that her perception, what she was seeing, was wrong some how, but it was so subtle that she couldn’t place her finger on just what it was that was missing.  Or was there and shouldn’t be. 

Miriam raised an eyebrow, “have I got something on my face?” 

“That’s…this isn’t what you really look like is it?” 

A smile spread across her face, “you _are_ good.”  Miriam said approvingly, “Bruce didn’t even pick it up.”  She considered Barbra for a moment and then said, “I’m wearing an illusion, it alters my appearance so that I appear human.  I’ve got a more elaborate one that I wear when I’m working at Arkham, that one makes me appear to be a women in her mid thirties.” 

“Appear human?” 

“I’m only half.”  Miriam replied, her face remained impassive but an emotion flashed behind her eyes that Barbra couldn’t name.  “I look more or less like this, but with a few rather noticeable differences, and I prefer not to stand out.  Fortunately I was _raised_ by humans, one of the very best actually.” She said with a sad smile, “and therefore when Jay said that I could heal you, he was very much right.  My mother was the healer of my tribe.  I was trained first and foremost in healing work.  I’ve actually done something remarkably similar, but his paralysis was due to a cart accident.” 

Barbra forcibly calmed the hope that flared in her chest.  Miriam hadn’t said she would, just that she _could_.  Barbra had lived too long, and become too jaded to ever expect something for nothing.  “And will you?” 

Miriam nodded, smiling “I would be happy to.” 

“But?” 

Miriam blinked, “Sorry?” 

“I’m waiting for the catch.”  Barbra replied tersely, keeping her joy in check.  

 “There is no catch, no payment, no ‘but’ I’m doing this because Jay asked me to, I’d have done it if Tim had asked, or Bruce or even you.  I don’t mind healing people in fact I rather enjoy it. 

Barbra eyed her speculatively not quite believing what she was hearing, but Miriam gave no sign of mendacity.  “You’re not going to ask that I don’t divulge ‘Jay’s’ secret?” 

Miriam’s expression sobered, “No.  I’m not.  Barbra what the Joker did to you was a horrible, horrible thing.  Most of the things he did while he was ill were horrible.  Neither Jay nor I are pretending otherwise.”  She shook her head, “This comes with no strings attached, no agenda, I just want to help right a wrong that was done to an innocent woman.” 

Barbra mentally chewed on that for a moment, after a time she said, “I don’t know how I feel, about him getting a chance to start over.  Part of me hates it, hates that he gets to be happy after all that he did.” She closed her eyes leaning back in her chair and tried to ignore the bitter taste of hatred in her mouth, “I hated him so much, for so long.  To be…on the same side now, it feels—wrong.” 

When she opened her eyes, she found Miriam watching her, a look of understanding on her face, her eyes distant.  “I won’t pretend to know what you went through Barbra.  I won’t belittle what you’ve suffered by trying to put a happy face on it.  But I will tell you the same thing that I told Bruce when he first found out who Jay used to be.  The man that you knew as the Joker, the man who crippled you, who killed Jason Todd and countless other men and women, he’s gone.  He is nothing but a memory.  If you can give Jay a chance, you’ll see that for yourself, and it won’t be the Joker, but Jay that you invite into your life.  But if you can’t do that, then I, and certainly not Jay, will never hold that against you.  If you feel the need to out him, that’s your decision to make, but know that you won’t just be hurting him, you’ll be hurting Bruce and Tim and Conner and me in the process.”  She shrugged, “But I won’t dictate actions to you.”  She pointedly eyed the chair, “I don’t have that right.” 

“But you can dictate them to Dick?” 

Miriam’s smile turned wry, “News travels fast in the Bat community.”  She sighed, “First of all, I find Dick’s reaction juvenile and pedantic.” Her eyes flashed, “and I take issue with people pointing guns at my loved ones.  But no, I don’t have the right to dictate terms to him either, as Jay has reminded me.  I’m…protective when it comes to family.  I don’t have that much left.”  She added softly. 

Barbra nodded.  Protecting family was something that all Bats could readily understand.  “I’m not going to say anything.”  She reassured her, “if I was I would have done it already.” 

Miriam smiled, “I know.” She tapped the side of her head, “I’m psychic.” 

Barbra studied her for a moment, trying to gage if she was teasing, deciding finally that she wasn’t.  “Good to know.”  She muttered, “So as there anything you _can’t_ do?” 

“Shoot laser beams out of my eyes, fly, walk through walls and I’m rubbish at sport.”  Miriam replied promptly, “I also lack super speed, strength and breath.  Did I miss anything?” 

Barbra laughed.  “Hearing.” 

“Oh, right.  Not that one either.” 

Barbra nodded.  An awkward silence took the room for a moment until she cleared her throat and asked, “So, how does this healing thing work?” 

“Ah. I’ll save you the technical explanation, but basically what’s going to happen is that tomorrow night, you will lie down in a magical circle and then a few hours later stand up again, this time on your own power.” 

Barbra gave her a look, “that seems rather over simplified.”  She said dryly, “How about something a _little_ more detailed?” 

Miriam gave her knowing look, “I can see now why you’re the brains of the operation,” she said playfully.  “Ok, more detail.  First, do you have a spare room, somewhere that I can set up?” 

“Sure.”  Barbra nodded, “now?” 

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

Miriam looked up from painting intricate patterns of runes around the circle she’d laid when the door bell rang.  Barbra, who had been watching silently in a corner of the room waved to indicate she continue.  “I’ll get it.” She said as she wheeled herself to the door, checking the screen before opening it.  “Hi.”  She said warmly as Dick leaned down to hug her, “Thanks for coming.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it.”  He returned, kissing her on the cheek.  “So, where is she?” 

Barbra indicated the back room with a jerk of her head, “She’s been at it for hours.  I’m not really sure what she’s doing other than getting blood all over my floor.” 

Dick’s eyebrows rose, “Blood?” 

Barbra nodded, “She said that it’s to power the spell,” she shrugged, “Don’t ask me, magic was never my forte.” 

“Mine either.  Will she be done soon?” Barbra’s answer was interrupted at the sound of the door.  “Who else is coming?”  Dick asked as Barbra pulled away to check the screen. 

“Bruce, Tim and Jay.” 

Dick stiffened and Barbra narrowed her eyes, “Dick if you can’t behave then you can go.  She’s only doing this because Jay asked her to.” 

“Yeah and she only has to do it because Jay _shot_ you.” 

Barbra rolled her eyes and opened the door, “Hi guys.” 

“Barbra.”  Bruce greeted, his eyes flicked past her to Dick, “Dick.” 

Dick scowled and went to sit in the living room.  “Well,” Jay observed closing the door, “this should be fun.”  He glanced at Barbra, “Nervous?” 

She frowned, “I’m not sure.  It doesn’t hurt does it?” 

“Honestly?  I have no memory of when she healed me.  I remember going into the room, making some wise crack about her loosing her deposit because of all the paint on the floor and then the next thing I knew I was waking up in the infirmary three weeks later.” 

“Three weeks!  She didn’t say anything about it taking three weeks!” 

“That’s because it won’t.”  Miriam said, as she emerged from the back room, “What I did for Jay was worlds more complicated than what I’ll be doing for you.”  Her eyes narrowed as she took in Dick sitting on the couch. 

 “So, are you about done?” 

She nodded, “Yup,” she glanced over at Barbra, “You ready?” 

 Barbra took a deep breath and then let it out, “Yes.” 

“Good.  Now,” she turned to the three other men in the room, “This is going to take approximately twelve hours.  Do not come in the room, do not kill each other while I’m gone, do not make me have to kill you when I get back.”  She glared at Grayson.  And then turned to Barbra, “Come on.” 

*

Barbara wheeled herself in to her back room that was now lit solely by candle light.  The circle on the floor gave off a faint red glow that gave the entire room a reddish tinge that made Barbra think of a bordello.  Miriam grinned, “I know it looks depressingly like a horror movie gone wrong, but I assure you it’s supposed to look like this.  Now we need to get you settled in the center and I can get started.” 

“Do I need to get out of the chair?”  Barbra asked, not moving. 

“Nope.” Miriam said brightly as she moved behind Barbra and pushed her into the center of the circle, closing it after her.  “Now I need you to relax, ok?” 

“Easier said than done.”  Barbra muttered and Miriam laughed. 

“It’s not that bad, I promise.  You’re a Bat, so I _know_ you know how to meditate.  Just focus on your breathing.” 

Barbra forced herself to focus, bringing her attention down to a pin point and then took a deep breath and nodded to show that she was ready; Miriam began to chant.  

* * *

“Do you think it will really take the full 12 hours?”  Bruce asked as they sat back down, Dick pointedly taking a seat as far from them as possible. 

“M’s generally pretty good at estimating times.”  Jay nodded and then made a face, “ _Most_ of the time anyway.”  Bruce raised an eyebrow, “You remember two years back, M went missing for a few days?” 

Bruce nodded thoughtfully, “I do, now that you mention it, Terry was frantic.”  His eyes narrowed, “she was supposedly visiting family out west?  Which, since her family is deceased, must have been difficult.”  Bruce added dryly. 

Jay chuckled, “Yeah, not so much.  In actuality she was, in fact, fixing me.  Only she underestimated how long it would take.” 

"Ah.” 

“Her family’s dead?”  Dick asked from across the room, pulled into the conversation in spite of himself. 

Jay blinked in surprise but replied, “Most of it.  Her uncle and niece are still alive, that’s who she lives with.” 

“And there’s you.”  Bruce added. 

Jay ducked his head and grinned, “And there’s me.” 

Dick’s eyes narrowed, “She said something like that when she was fucking with my head,” He said darkly.  “You two are related?”  

“She adopted me.” 

Dick raised an eyebrow, “Really.” 

“Mmmhmm,” Jay agreed, as he got up to answer the cell pone that was ringing on the corner of the table, “M’s phone.”  He answered cheerfully. 

“Dr.AlexanderIneedyourhelprealbad!” 

“Ah,” Jay said, halting the rapid fire flow of words, “Dr. Alexander can’t come to the phone at the moment, can I take a message?” 

“Mista J?”  The voice gasped. 

“Harley?”  Jay asked, stunned. “Fuck.” He swore softly, after his brain kicked back into gear, he  caught Bruce’s eye and mouthed, ‘M is going to kill me.’  Dick was on his feet, clearly ready to start in on another round of accusation but Jay held his hand up to forestall him. 

“Mr. Jay I’m in big trouble!”  Harley wailed. 

“What kind of trouble?”  Jay asked, his attention now fully on the conversation. 

“There’s these guys that’ve been askin’ questions, right? And I didn’t think nothin’ bout it only now I think they’re gonna do somethin’ real bad.” 

“Harley you’re not making any sense, what kind of questions?” 

“Um,” Harley hesitated 

“What’s wrong?”  Bruce asked softly 

“I’m not sure,” Jay answered, tilting the phone away from his mouth, “but she sounds about as panicked as I’ve ever heard her, Harl?”  Jay asked again, “what kind of questions.” 

“They were asking about that old warehouse over on Chester.” 

Jay’s eyes went wide, and he groaned.  “Oh god.   Harley _please_ tell me you didn’t tell them.” 

“I didn’t think about it!”  She wailed, “They was just askin’ questions!” 

Jay swore under his breath, “Harl what exactly did you tell them?  And when?” 

“We were just talkin’ an, an I found out they worked for the Penguin and we were compairin, you know, stashes and traps and things.  Then they were askin’ bout the safe and, ya know, the booby traps, I kinda told’em how to get past’em.” 

“Harley!”  Jay barked. 

“I know, I know, I just wans’t thinkin’!  You gotta tell Dr. Alexander!” 

Jay took a deep breath, “Harley, you’re not even supposed to be telling people that you worked for me!  New life remember?  

“I know!”  Harley wailed, “I just…” She trailed off and then said softly, “I’m _lonely_.”  

Jay sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Ok, ok. One problem at a time ok?  I’ll handle the warehouse and then you and Dr. Alexander can work on the lonely.  When did you tell them?” 

“Just a couple hours ago.  I started thinkin’ bout it and I realized that maybe I shouldn’t have told’em.” 

Jay bit back his acidic reply as said instead, “How did these guy’s find you?” 

“Um, I dunno?”  She hazarded.

 “Harley” Jay warned. 

“I maybe mighta gotten drunk a coupla nights ago an started talkin’ bout the good ol days?” 

Jay closed his eyes and sighed, running a hand over his face, “M is going to have your hide, you know that right?” 

“Could you maybe not tell her… maybe?”  She asked tentatively. 

“Harl,” Jay sighed again, “Look I’ve got to deal with this, hell I’m not even supposed to be _talking_ to you.  Just, go visit your mom or something ok?  Somewhere where these guys can’t find you.  I’ll have M get in touch with you later.” 

“Ok.”  She replied dejectedly.  “Sorry Mista. J.” 

“Just go.”  Jay said, hanging up.  He glanced up to find both Bruce and Dick watching him, “Uh, we have a problem.” 

Dick snorted, “We figured that.” 

“I wasn’t talking to you.”  Jay snapped and then took a deep breath trying to calm himself, “look you know that old warehouse on Chester?”  Bruce nodded, “There’s a sub basement to it, in which there is a safe which has,” Jay hesitated and then sighed, “Jesus, enough Joker toxin to gas the whole city.  And I never said anything,” Jay spoke over Dick’s outraged out burst, “Because _I’d forgotten about it ok._ I stocked the damn thing over fifteen years ago.  I don’t know if the toxin is even still any good.”

“How much time do we have?”

“Harl said that she’d only just told them how to get in, so we’ve got time.  Working through all the shit I left behind will take hours.” Bruce, nodding, headed for the door.  He stopped when he realized that Jay was following.

“You’re not coming.”  He said his tone firm.

“Bruce, I know where it is and I know how to disarm everything, I’m coming.”

“I have had some practice disarming your traps.”  Bruce replied dryly.

Jay rolled his eyes, “I’m not saying you haven’t but there is no reason to make this any harder than need be, and” Jay looked away  “Jesus Bruce if something happens, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Dick snorted; both Jay and Bruce ignored him.  “Fine.”  Bruce finally relented, “But you can’t go like that.”  He gestured toward Jay’s suit. 

“Ah, no.”  Jay licked his lips nervously, “I could just take the amulet off?  I mean we don’t have time for anything else.”

Bruce frowned, “Jay, this is a bad idea.”

“Would you two stop arguing?!”  Dick said from the door, “we’ve got work to do.”

“No Dick.”  Bruce said, halting Dick’s exit. “You need to stay here incase Barbra needs you.”

Dick turned, mouth open to argue and then stopped, frowning. “Ok,” he said at length, “fine.  But call me if you need me.”

Bruce nodded and then indicated that Jay should precede him out the door.  But instead of taking the elevator down to the street level he hit the sub basement button, “We keep costumes and equipment stashed throughout the city,” he explained to Jay’s questioning look, “cuts down on response time.”

“Ah.”  Jay nodded, “make sense.”

“I’d really rather you didn’t come.”  Bruce tried again, as he began suiting up. “I’m more then capable of dealing with this.”

Jay sighed, “Bruce, I don’t doubt that you are, but why take the risk, eh?  I’m not going to get in the way.  I’ll let you deal with the badies and then once they’re put down, I’ll disarm the traps and we can be on our way.”

Bruce pulled him to him and kissed him, “I’m not worried about you getting in the way.”  Bruce murmured against his mouth, “I’m worried about you getting hurt.  And you going without the amulet might have unforeseen repercussions as well.”

Jay sighed and fought down his body’s instinctive reaction to being in such close quarters with Bruce’s.  He smiled against Bruce’s mouth, “I love you too.  I’ll be fine.  And to be honest, I’m rather looking forward to it, so humor me, ok?”

Bruce rolled his eyes as he pulled up the cowl but couldn’t quite keep the smirk playing around his lips from forming.  The Batmobile roared out through the underground tunnel, it took them less than twenty minutes to make it to the warehouse. 

  “Stay here,” Bruce graveled as he leapt out of the car, the top sliding back after him.

Jay would have argued but he was already gone.  He rolled his eyes.  He played with some of the buttons but when he managed to fire off a small rocket, exploding an industrial trash bin, he desisted.  The wait felt interminable, he drummed his fingers on the dashboard and then heaved a sigh. Finally, fed up and after a few miss tries—but no more immolations— he got the top to slide back again.  He climbed out awkwardly and then brushed himself off, jumping back as the car went into lock down.  “Oh.  Well that solves that problem then.” Jay commented as he turned toward the warehoused. 

He worked his way cautiously around back, letting himself in through an old back door after quietly breaking the window.  _You’d think I’d feel guiltier about that now_ He mused to himself as he strolled along the catwalk toward the sound of fighting.  He leaned on the railing, watching as Bruce—Batman—put the last of the thugs down—painfully, and then applauded. 

Bruce looked up and stopped-what little light there was in the warehouse caught on Jay’s luminescent skin, making it glow white in the darkness.  Poised up on the catwalk, with the flash of white teeth and the glint of green hair in the darkness he looked more like the Joker than he ever had in the manor. Bruce covered his surprise and scowled, “I told you to wait outside.” 

“Yeah, and you took too long.  I thought you might have gotten captured.”

Bruce smirked, “And you were going to save me?”

“Or give pointers.”

Jay could feel Bruce roll his eyes under the cowl, “Would you get down here so we can get going?”

Jay saluted him, “Sir, yes sir.”  He looked around, “Ah—

Before he could finish the thought Bruce shot off a line, landed on the catwalk scooped up Jay and then descended back down. 

Jay looked slightly nauseous, “ugh, I hate it when you do that.”

“Then you should have waited in the car and you could have come in on the ground floor.”  Jay stuck his tongue out at him and then strolled over to the door, pulling out a set of lock picks. Under the cowl Bruce’s eyebrows went up, “Where did you get those from?”

Jay grinned wickedly over his should, “Well I’ve still got mine you know, but these were actually a present from Rob.”  Bruce snorted and Jay cackled, “alrighty, door number one.”

Bruce watched him.  Even in the dark suit Jay had on, it was hard to shake the feeling that he was looking at the Joker.  Jay glanced over and caught him watching, he raised an eyebrow in question, but Bruce just shook his head and went back to watching the surrounding darkness.  After a moment the door swung open under Jay’s attentions and Jay moved into the room slowly, he paused for a moment and then moved to the side and thumped the wall with his fist.  A giant mallet swung down and smashed into the floor.  “oh, I’d wondered what I’d done with that.”  Jay mused, and stopped when he once again notice Bruce watching him.  “Seriously Bruce, what?”

Bruce scowled; Jay had always been able to read him, then and now.  At the moment he wished it otherwise, because he wasn’t sure what to say.   He wasn’t sure how _he_ felt about this sudden revelation but he knew it would probably upset Jay.  Jay stood patiently waiting for a response and Bruce sighed internally because he wasn’t getting out of this one well.  “You look like the Joker.”  He said finally

Jay frowned, obviously confused, “I don’t follow, I mean yes I’ve got the amulet off but normally that doesn’t evoke this kind of response.”

Bruce took a deep breath, “I think it’s the setting, more than anything else.”

“Ah,” Jay said softly, as understanding dawned.

Bruce had expected him to panic, in the past any comparison with his former self had led to an almost frantic need for Bruce to reassure Jay that Bruce didn’t think of him as the Joker.  The fact that he seemed to be staying calm helped Bruce to admit, “It, well it caught me by surprise.”  Bruce admitted.  “You, are you ok?”

“Oh I’m panicking on the inside,” Jay assured him with a small smile, “But this day was bound to come Bruce, frankly I’m surprised it took so long.  But I suppose it makes sense, you and I never interacted in a domestic setting, but warehouses, hell we spent half our lives chasing each other around in these things.   And of course I’m between you and a great deal of Joker Toxin so yeah, I can see how that would trigger some unpleasant associations.

“You’re not him Jay.”

“Who are you trying to reassure, Bruce?  Me or you?”  Jay asked, as he leaned against the wall his arms crossed over his chest.

“Jay…” Bruce said, but he trailed off.

Jay sighed, his gaze twitching from the starlight lenses to somewhere in middle distance, he scrubbed a hand through his curls and _that_ was a gesture that the Joker never made but _Jay O’Connell_ did, and Bruce felt some of his discomfort ease.  It was disconcerting, however, because he had truly believed that he was entirely past the point of thinking of Jay as the Joker, his comment in therapy about Jay being the Joker’s non homicide twin brother came back to him, and he wondered if he’d been deluding himself.  Bruce normally knew his own mind better than that, and the idea worried him.  He frowned, trying to trace patterns in his thinking.  He glanced back at Jay who was still leaning unmoving against the wall.  He went to pull the cowl down but Jay stopped him.

“No leave it on; we need to have this conversation, Batman and I.”

Bruce paused, Jay’s tone sounded…tired but expectant.  “Jay, I’m not leaving you.”  Bruce protested, “It just caught me by surprised is all.”

“Bruce, I’m going to say this and I want you to really think about it, promise me?”  Bruce nodded,   “I am the Joker.  No, listen” Jay forestalled him when Bruce opened his mouth to protest, “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, that other night?  At the Pig’s Hatchet? That was fun.  I loved every moment of it from listening to the old hands bitch to watching you beat Charley into an insensate mass on the floor.  I’ve been the Joker since I was twenty eight.  I’m forty seven.  That’s nearly twenty years Bruce.  That’s who I am; to say it’s not is a lie.  I’m sane now,” Jay allowed, “But that doesn’t make me a different person.  People who get cured of mental illness don’t suddenly stop being who they were, their behavior might change, sometimes drastically, as mine has, but they don’t stop being themselves.”

Bruce interrupted at this point, “but you _became_ the Joker,” he pointed out, “It was something that was done _to_ you, so in theory when Miriam healed you she reset you to where you were pre Joker.”

Jay blinked, he’d expected Bruce to sound upset, betrayed, angry, what he hadn’t expected was Bruce to sound like he was trying to help Jay solve a puzzle.  “Ok, fair point, but I’m not entirely sure that she was able to truly undue all the damage, so if anything it was a partial reset.  Because while I remember Jack Napier, I don’t think of myself as Jack Napier.”

“Do you think of yourself as the Joker?”

And that was the million dollar question wasn’t it.  Jay paused for a very long time.  “…sometimes,” Jay admitted

Bruce seemed thoughtful, the discomfort from early gone, Jay’s eyes narrowed, “This isn’t wigging you out quite like I expected.”

Bruce shrugged, “You’re not the only one in the room who has identity crises.”

Jay blinked, he’d never quite thought about it like that.  “Ah.  It’s just, I don’t know _who_ I am and I’m really tired of people telling me I am this and I’m not that.  If I don’t know, how they hell do they?” Jay complained bitterly, “to me its starting to sound like wishful thinking, you, all of you, Rob and Conner, you guys _need_ me not to be the Joker to excuse associating with me, liking me… loving me.”

“I need you not to be a homicidal maniac,” Bruce allowed, “but I don’t really care what you call yourself.”

In spite of himself Jay laughed, it felt good and suddenly it felt ridiculously that they were having this conversation across a room.  Jay crossed to where Bruce was and pulled them both toward a couple of boxes so they could sit.  This time Bruce did pull down the cowl.

“Jay if anyone is stopping me—or any of us—from meeting the real you, _you_ are.  I understand that you’re worried about scaring me off, but I’ll say it again, I’m a sure thing.  And if I recall correctly I’m the one who’s been pushing for us to accept and incorporate our past relationship into the present.”

Jay made a face, “I hate it when you out logic me.”  He sighed dramatically but leaned in against Bruce feeling more secure in himself and their relationship then he possibly ever had before.   The worst had happened, Bruce had looked at him and seen the Joker and he was still here.  The other shoe had finally dropped.  And apparently Jay had spent entirely too much time worrying about something that wasn’t going to happen. “So it’s not going to freak you out if I start indulging in a little introspection?”

“I’d encourage it.”

“Then I want to get back into the crime business.”

Bruce arched an eyebrow at him, and Jay grinned, “You really aren’t going to freak out on me are you.  God all that angst wasted.  I want to do what you do with Matches, frankly I’m bored, and I’m good enough to skirt the line of knowing when something is over the top or not.”

Bruce smirked, “Jay I figured that out when you offered to find Nick work back at the tavern, and it’ll be nice to have another figure in the underworld that I can trust.”

“How many do you have now?”

“Without you?  Just the one.  Me.”

Jay laughed; it was a full laugh with more Joker in it than usually came out to play.  “God Bruce, thank you.  I’m sorry that I’ve been making this harder than it needed to be.”

Bruce shrugged, “you weren’t entirely wrong.  I was convinced that I stopped thinking of you as the Joker, seeing you now standing on that catwalk, grinning down at me, I realized that I wasn’t being entirely honest with myself.  But at the same time I realize that that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Ah Bruce, I’m afraid neither of us is the picture of mental health.”  Jay chuckled, “in the end we’re more or less perfect for each other.”

“I thought the same thing myself.”

“Well,” Jay said pushing himself to his feet, “I should get back to work— those traps won’t disarm themselves, although that might be a nice time saver,” Jay grinned.

“What are you doing?”  Jay asked as Bruce followed him

“I’m helping.”

“I thought we talked about this, I’ll be very cross if you get hurt.”

Bruce smirked, “I’ll stay behind you, I mainly want to hear the commentary.”

Jay blinked, “Commentary?”

“Yes,” Bruce explained, the corners of his mouth twitching up, “the ‘oh so that’s what I did with that’ and ‘why in god’s name did I let Harley design that?’ that commentary.”

“Riiiiiight.”  Jay drawled, in voice that sounded just like the Joker of old, “Like I ever let _Harley_ design _anything_.”

Bruce laughed.

*  *  *

Barbra wasn’t sure when the chanting had stopped.  She had lost herself in meditation, the constant chant a resonant sound in the background.  She had been half aware, as she sat focused on the stillness within her, of flair of light and the chant rising in a c _rescendo_ **,** and then dropping back down to the constant murmur of before.  She didn’t know how long she had been seated in the circle.  At some point she had felt something… _click_ within her.  Like the satisfying sound and feeling one gets from cracking their back.  She couldn’t be entirely sure but she felt that that had been some time ago.  Or not.  But the chant had definitely stopped, that probably indicated something, but as she floated in the serenity of nothing in the calm core of her being she didn’t care.

“Barbra,” A voice called from beyond the void, “time to wake up.”

Sluggishly Barbra roused herself from her meditation.  She felt…drained.  Wrung out and tired but not in a bad way.  It reminded her of how she’d felt after a particularly hard training session back in her days as Batgirl.  It was a bone deep weariness that signaled that good work had been done.  She blinked, trying to bring the world back into focus.

“You with us?”  Miriam asked as Barbara blinked again and the room swam back into focus.  Her eyelids felt sticky.  She blinked a few more time.

“Uh, yes.”  She said hoarsely, she cleared her throat and tried again, “is it…are we done?”

Miriam’s laughter was eerily other worldly, and Barbra was struck for a moment with how very alien she looked, but the feeling was forgotten as Miriam said quietly, “it is done, now ask the question you really want to ask.”

“Did…did it work?”  Barbra asked hesitantly

“Stand up and see for yourself.”

A thrill went through Barbra at those words, her gut clenching painfully.  Slowly, she placed one foot on the floor and then the other, and pushed up from the chair.  Her muscles responded obediently, and she stood, nearly over balancing but Miriam moved to steady her. “I can…it, it worked.”  She whispered.  “Shouldn’t, “ She frowned, “Shouldn’t,” she glanced down at her legs, which prior to entering the circle had been utterly wasted, reduced by inactivity to nothing more than skeletal sticks, but now the muscles both looked and felt as if they were healthy again.

“I know,” Miriam said conversationally as she helped her walk from the room, “it should take months of physical therapy, horribly painful torment as you push yourself to regain what you’ve lost, fighting through the tears of frustration and effort to get your legs back in working order now that you’re spine’s been fixed, rock music playing in the background, perhaps a montage of workout and PT scenes.  But then I thought, fuck that noise, where’s the dramatic moment in that eh?”

“Oh my god.”  Dick cried as the two of them came into the room.  He jumped to his feet and rushed toward them, “Oh my god!”  Taking Barbara from Miriam.  “It worked!  Oh my God Babs this is amazing!”

Barbra gave him a tearful smile, “I know, I can’t believe it.  It actually worked.”

“Oi!”  Miriam said grinning, “I’m standing right here.”

“Sorry,” Barbra laughed euphorically, “I didn’t mean, I just…we’ve tried so many things.  And even Bruce with all his money and his connections, and” she broke of laughing gleefully, “I can walk!”  She shouted.  She pulled away from Miriam and Dick, carefully placing one foot in front of the other, “I CAN WALK!” 

Miriam was grinning so hard it hurt.  “I love my job.”  She said happily as Barbra made a slow circuit around the room, keeping one hand on the wall.

Dick turned to Miriam with tears in his eyes, “Thank you.  Thank you _so_ much.”

Miriam smiled softly, “I’m happy to be able to help.”

“Babs!”  Everyone looked up at the sound of Tim’s voice, Tim was grinning hugely, he moved forward to hug her “This is amazing.  I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner!”

Barbra waved it off grinning, “There wasn’t much to see before this anyway, your friend is _amazing_ ,” she said grinning over her shoulder at Miriam.  “You. Are. _Amazing_!”  She said, addressing Miriam this time, “Thank you so much!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Miriam was laughing happily along with Barbra and Tim and even Dick, “You are most welcome Barbra Gordon.”

“Oh hell we missed the fireworks.”  Jay commented as they moved past Tim into the room.  His eyes went huge as Barbra threw herself at him in a hug, “Thank you!”

“Uh,” Jay said self-consciously, hugging her back hesitantly, his eyes flicking to Bruce who shrugged, “hello there.  You know, you probably shouldn’t be thanking me, since if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have been in the chair in the first place.”

“Well I’m thanking you anyway.”  Barbra said pulling back, “Deal with it.”

Jay blinked and then grinned, giving her a lazy salute. “Ma’ma, yes ma’ma.”

“Damn straight.”  Barbra said, grinning, “This is,” She turned to Miriam, who looked so pleased at the exchange that her smile was threatening to take off the top of her head, “So I don’t need therapy, I’m good to go?”

“The muscles are all back to their pre shooting condition,” Miriam affirmed, “you need a bit of practice waking, give that a coupla weeks, but that’s it.”

“God you are the best thing that ever happened to Arkham.”  Barbra said apropos of nothing.

Jay blinked, Dick blanched and Bruce looked amused.  Miriam cocked her head, exchanging a look with Tim, “That was random,” she noted chuckling.

“No, I know.”  Barbra grinned, “It’s just, it’s hard to explain.  It’s good that someone is helping them.  For all the work we do,” She indicated Tim, Bruce and Dick with a sweep of her hand, “We’re only half of it.  Maybe even the easier half.  We just have to stop them, you fixed them.  Fixed me.”

Dick frowned, “you’re hardly on the same level as they are Babs.  They’re _monsters_.”  He shot a look at Jay who glared back.  “One of them did this to you.” 

“But they’re not,” Barbra said, surprising Miriam who had been about to go off, “They’re just people who’ve had shit happen to them.  Like me, if someone had offered me a way out of that chair…without the right people, without you guys, I might have let myself become someone who would take whatever was offered, and fuck the consequences.  Don’t you see, she’s, you’re their support group.  The person who won’t give up on them, and that’s a really shitty job.  But you do it anyway.  That’s just as amazing as what we do.”

“Are you drunk?”  Jay asked, with a bemused smile.  He glanced at Miriam, “Is she drunk?”

“She might be a bit giddy.” Miriam allowed, blinking suspcicously for a moment.  “Thank you Barbara that was very kind of you.  Now, you need to get some sleep.  I’ll come round tomorrow to see how you’re doing.  Dick, if you’re up for it, it might be best if you stayed here.  She’ll be fine, but the transition will take some getting used to.

“Sure.”  Dick nodded, still frowning slightly at Barbra who was grinning hugely, “is she ok?”

“She’s _fine_ Dick.  She’s just on a bit of an adrenaline high, and she’s exhausted because her body just did a great deal of healing in a very short amount of time. A few days’ rest and she’ll be back to normal.

Barbra giggled, “I’m, ooo, yes I’m fine.  I am sooooo much better than fine.  And now, now it is time for sleep.”  She nodded, allowing herself to be led off to bed by Dick.

Tim grinned as he watched them go, bumping shoulders with Miriam, “you did good.”

“No kidding.”  Jay added.

“Thank you Miriam.”  Bruce said, looking like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  “Thank you so much.”

“Guys, I’m happy to do it.  Hell, if you know anyone else that needs healing send them my way.  This is what I do.”

“And you do it so well.”  Jay agreed, “Oh hey, since Alfred won’t let us run off to Fiji, can you officiate at our wedding?”

Miriam blinked and then laughed, “ok, also random, but yeah sure, I’d be honored.”

“Good. So, that’s all settled then, what say you we head on home?”  Jay asked, glancing at Bruce.

“Sounds good to me.” 

*    *    *

In the end planning the wedding turned out to be far less traumatizing than expected, mainly because whenever someone tried to make either Bruce or Jay make a decision they either disappeared into their respective studies or claimed they had to go out on patrol.  Alfred, Miriam and Tim ended up doing most of the planning. 

Jay took to his new role of working the Gotham underground like a drowning man to dry land.  He felt, for the first time since he’d been healed that he had finally stripped off the straight jacked that he’d put himself in.  It was his own fault, he knew, he’d been so focused on trying to prove himself to everyone—including himself—that he wasn’t the Joker any more he hadn’t really stopped to think who he _was._ As it turned out?  He _was_ actually still the Joker.  But he was also sane.  What that would mean, in the long run, he didn’t know, but he was looking forward to finding out.

         


End file.
